confidential

Jamie, actually there's a secret which i had kept for some time. And for now, i decide to let you know becoz we wun know when we can meet again. Actually on last year's UDI course when we chatted on the train, i have to admit that i do have a little attracted to your cheerful and cool character.

But that time i was rushing for my ex's birthday so did not spend much time to chat on with u. Abt half a year later, on this year's june, i ran into you at the keat hong lrt station. I was rushing home becoz my sis had hurt her hand and mum's out, therefore did not pay much attention to my surrounding. Its not that i had forgotten you. When i was in the train, i then saw you and recalled that someone was calling "Staff Staff" and i felt real bad after that. I searched high and low for your contacts but was in vain.

Until i met you again at lot 1, outside The Body Shop, i told myself that i am not going to let you go off like that again. But becoz my ex was beside me and she easily get wrong ideas, so i made her stay at the basement before going up to the Popular to look for you. I had never done such a thing with my ex around u know.. haha.

After that day, i was very busy with my stuffs and din manage to stay in contact with you. One day when i was at my friends home, i suddenly thot abt you and i called you, got ya hotmail add, but my comp was down. Jux before o levels, i broke up with my ex becoz i felt that the problems are too much. I had told her abt you, hoping that she can accept you as my friend but it turned out negative and we often quarrelled..

After the O, i met you again on msn messenger and i really dun understand y, i was quite happy. It was when i questioned myself abt the feelings. I this similar story to my best friend and he said that i probably had fell for you. I cant believe it you know. i mean, i had juz ended one and i like another one. He then said that i should had already liked u ever since i met you for the first time.

From then, i had not slept well at nite. Thngs jux kept poping out and i'm real lost. On the 24th nov, i went to cut my hair at plaza and met you again. Tis time was as close as ever. You were juz infront of me when decending the escalator. I was shocked... That night, i cant get to slp at all. It was then dat i found out i cant bear you to leave for the course. In other words, i'm missing you... I felt like msging you but hav no courage at all.

The nex morning i went to cck to collect some stuffs from weixian, and was praying in my heart that i could run into you jux one more time to tell you, take care. But i cant find you. Disappointed, i went home. On the 26th, i asked you to meet me at the cck lrt was becoz i actually wanted to confirm whether i'm really mising you. True enough, the moment i saw you, i felt very relieved and relaxed. I had never felt so good before i swear. But i later learnt from you abt a guy in the course, your friends were li-siaoing you abt. I felt lost again.

That night, i went home and considered abt whether to let you know that i had liked you before any thing worse happens. On 27th, i finally plugged up my courage to ask u abt it. And i also made the biggest mistake in my life for telling you thru sms. I regretted alot.

Firstly, i cant tell you wat actually i mean and feel at one go and secondly, if you dun reply, my worst nightmare is going to happen. I nearly feed my hand into a machine while thinking about you that day you know.. haha. All i can say is Jamie, you came into my life at the wrong time. If only i had been posted to Unity sec and met you earlier thngs might not be the same anymore. I dun expect you to like me or wat but i jux wanna let you know that you are actually on my mind more often than you know. I know its a little too sudden for you but it was that guy in course you toked abt made me spilt out part of my secret.

Curse him! haha.. Remember you once asked me whether i'm jioing you? I had a confused feeling when replying you. Its in the ways that we always met, the way that you comfort me, made me wished that someday, you could the angel. "My angel that is arranged by fate to guide me thru the rest of my life." This is onli wad i wished and i am clear that it may not happen. Until now, i still kept thinking abt the 4 times we met each other, its like it was arranged somehow for us to walk pass each other.

I'm prepared to accept the fact of rejection when i decided to let you know. And now, i suppose it is ba... haha. And i regretted for telling you so soon. Anyway, hope that we can still be friends and if you need any help, feel free to approach me. I would be most glad to help. I had said wad i think i wanna say le..... Have a great life ahead and smile awayZ! :)

Sunday, November 28, 2004