La vie est un voyage ; J'aime u

"Stupid" boy(s)

I feel like slapping LWS if he's talking to me face to face earlier on. How could he made fun of people who have suicided! Not as if he doesnt know about YC. I'm really disappointed about him, I have ignored him. He knew I'm angry and he apologized but I simply can't accept it. YC is not forgotten, I still remember her smiles and all the nice things she did for us. Esp her bdae has just over, the memories of her was brought even closer to our mind! The pain lives in us won't go away, not so soon I believed.

I told *neelej*, he don't mind slapping him for me. I knew he's trying to take this chance to vent his anger on him. He hates/dislikes/despises LWS? Whichever it is... I can't be bothered about him anymore! *neelej* told me that his friend betrayed him & forwarded a "I Love U" msg to her using his phone. I guessed he panicked and assured her it's a prank. He might have let go of her. I knew he's upset about it otherwise his nick wouldn't be "u all r not me, none of u understand how I feel". I concluded that b'coz it hasnt changed his nick for half a year!

He just love saying I'm wasting my time, he's always disturbing me about the choices I made. I can't always follow his way of thinking or what he wants me to do. It's so weird, isnt it? He's not even my bf! Ha! Precisely the case! Why so upset about my decision?

JC is not a waste of time, is a sch of appreciating memorizing art! how could he say is STUPID & my bet is STUPID! He lacks of motivation, it must be! He said that was stupidity. Oh my god, he's really getting on my nerves. I don't see anything good on Electrical stuffs! *blehx* I could foretell he will be electified! Ha! Mean* That's my second name!

"How would I know" (*neelej*) to "Who am I to u to..." (me!) doesnt he knows he's playing around with my feelings? It's a form of giving out wrong signal to me? he said he treats everybody the same... I'm not sure and I can't be bothered for now. Well, studies first! *smilex*

[I'm glad I wasn't forgotten, either did u. I appreciate everyone, even they have gone - cherish them while u can...]

p.s. *neelej* as a NCC CLT, u better wake up from ya idea & stop saying stupid. That's must be ya second name. STUPID BOY! *heex*

jamie was bouncin' @ 12:09 PM

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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

keep on shakin; sex bomb

I can't believe it, the school is publicly showing us *EXPOSED* dancing using a super sissy dancer instructor! The dancers are equally professional as BAR TOP DANCER. It's amazing to watch the whole programme today. Seriously, it's not to be missed event of the year. They are SEXBOMB man! THe instructor consistently expressed himself in his female tie & making funny *disgusting* sounds.

He's fit, he's small in size, he's strong and he has a perfect posture of a lady! No doubt, he has stolen the limelight during the entire assembly. He got everybody "high* in the mood and non-stop laughters. It's totally hard to describe it. You have to watch it yourself. I must admit I was going wild earlier on. How I wish I could danced with them, so funny...

Nevertheless, today I will still include *neelej*!!! Simply can't forget him easily after many months of *wishful thinking* on my part. Well, Prelim Eng is on this fri, hopefully I will done better than last time. I know I did badly for oral which was unbelievable! Oh my god~! Lalala... Hoping daddy & mummy or h2O who knew this site could add comment. You girls are my guidance, sparkle like stars too. Love u peeps!

jamie was bouncin' @ 11:01 AM

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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

different degree of needs

I wasnt really happy actually although my msges might sound like I am! *neelej* went out with THAT GIRL to a movie (Yes. only 2). no doubts at all, I'm envious. (Jealousy is rather negative). I still wish him all the best to woo THAT GIRL. But he insisted it was over, they shall be friends forever. (Forever is a lie).

I can't imagine if he's watching an action-packed movie (Jackie Chan!) while LOOKING at HER drooling. Well, it's understandable that he looked at her not drooled over her. *heex* that would be funny man. I asked if he did, he didnt but was enjoying both the movie & her. What a greeeeeeeeedy boy, trying to make his money worthwhile. That's so cute~! (ok it's funny and it's outrageous but not cute to u peeps outta)

I'm really glad that I have many good friends by my side when I'm having heartache. ICB is jealous that *neelej* is lucky to have somebody liking him so much. ICB loves CL and he's going crazy over her. *heex* However, heartache & loneliness are not what friends are able to provide or to fill it up. It's a different kind of needs. But I'm still glad to have that from them esp from Mummy & Daddy.

[ If I confess to you one day, I might not like you anymore. You might started liking me but you have missed the chance then. ]

p.s. I have decided after CLT COZ (15 Dec 2004) if he's not attached, I will confess!

jamie was bouncin' @ 2:33 PM

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Monday, September 27, 2004

That's your worries!?

I knew he would reply me next thing in e mornz. He didnt want to tell her because he isnt sure if it's one sided loving on his part. It wasnt the first time he's facing such a dilemma. I found out from him that this girl is 2 years older than HIM! They were from the same club. That's explain why he knew her. I guessed he must be a quiet guy in reality except to the guys. Privately, we click off well actually.

He wasnt determined in loving the girl, he was soft & weak in regards to heart matters. He said, "it was over." From that moment, I knew he has reluctantly gave up on her. It also reminds me of my lacking courage.

Well, I knew I wasnt the type of girl he would go for, I shouldnt force myself to confess to him. Especially at this moment which is a critical time for me. I wish him happiness secretly altho' I wanted him so much. It must be infatuation! It must be that way!

Until now, I knew he prefers girls to have long hair (I always wanted my long hair back), lady-like (I'm never rough except NCC forced me to) & blah blah. Honestly, I like myself more than anyone esle. I knew who I am, not what people want me to be. I think I should try forgetting him...

p.s. Let fate decides who shall be the one for me!

[ so much for my happy ending... ]

jamie was bouncin' @ 5:43 AM

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Sunday, September 26, 2004

We're Idiots

*neelej* told me he likes someone, He thought that their relationship won't worked out. She's well-off & he didn't tell her he likes her. *neelej* started liking her recently and his friends knew.

He just felt depressed because (as usual, I guessed) the girl he likes, he just couldnt be with them. That reminds of me, the tiniest girl in the world that *neelej* has forgotten her existance. It has been 4 days since he msged me. At last, he's onlined.

A simple "hi" & "how's life" are not what I need. I need some affection from U (yes, *neelej*) I simply replied, "I thought that you have forgotten me..." I knew he didnt otherwise he won't msg me out of the others. You may call me *greedy*, at this moment I felt I'm losing this pillar of strength. The one who's giving emotional support to me. I knew I can't sleep tonight, I'm suffocated by this doubt.

A doubt that why I didnt have the courage to tell him, why am I giving up? Is it better off being friends? I knew no future of us, I knew we could be friends - forever (If u call that). I'm utterly disappointed with myself. In the end, I'm afraid of losing him.

There's a list of things I don't know about him. He's not bothered to tell me too. One thing for sure, we are idiots of love. Maybe one day we should purchase the lOve idiots' bookguide!

I had a same thought as Sandra, to msg him & console him. It's a chance for me but... She meant well, I knew that. Greenie gone as the wind (to TAI? I don't know.) Ming Yang ( I related sitaution only - *neelej* identity is protected) suggested be determined, be strong to face reality! I'm not confused, I'm just a coward of love.

You maybe have came up a conclusion, a crazy girl in the world who felt so small about love. A selfish or a greedy girl who has a crush on *neelej*, is begging for more affection.

p.s. hasnt he realised I'm there for him - always (didn't I!?) At this moment of time (11:40pm), I knew *neelej* wouldn't read my msg. hoping he's fine.

[ To have the same person u like liking u is rare. To have the same person knowin ya feeling is hard to come by. Reality is cruel! ]

jamie was bouncin' @ 2:59 PM

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Friday, September 24, 2004

Practical Results

Well, the school is sure efficient at times. Today I have gotten back two practical results except pure biology.

DnT practical/project (O lvl) - 84/120 (not yet moderate) = 70% A2
Pure Physics Practical (Prelim) - 21/30 = 70% A2

I was on my way home with Hannah when we saw a group of malay boys who hit Kevin. I wanted to go over & say, "Well Done!" They really are, my idols! After knowing my practical results, I'm more determined to score better for my theory. *praying* & *trying*... *hopefully* I made it to top 6 JC!

*icE-creAm bOy* kinda pissed off coz he screwed his practical! *Oops*

[*neelej* is pronouced DEAD as of today... stop makin me missin u so much]

jamie was bouncin' @ 1:13 PM

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Thursday, September 23, 2004

Retribution

I had a wonderful recess today. It's the best time of my life so far! Kevin Ng was beaten up at the cafeteria! 1 against 3+ peeps. Totally cool! He deserved all those punches & kicks. He irritated alot of us esp the girls & the teachers. Although he might have done well in his studies.

Almsot everyone was happy at this incident. It seem nobody likes him, thus nobody help him when he's in need. We just stared at him, continue where we stopped & laughing at him. How I wish those boys have use more force!

3 cheers to the malay gang!!!!!

[stUpid *neelej* always makes me angry - arghz]

jamie was bouncin' @ 11:06 AM

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Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Older but childish

I think that songs sang & written by F.I.R does bring up the atmosphere. Especially, guang mang: wo men de ai: u make me want to fall in love: ni de wei xiao. If I were sitting at a quiet spot of the beach. I would love to rock my world by singing the song loudly and watch the time goes by. It's a form of destress. Watching waves after waves & people playing by the seaside. Wow... Cycling isnt a bad choice either!

*neelej* sms-ed me this morning, since I have nothing to do after filling the form during P.E. I replied his msg and his reply was that LWS seem to care alot about me, he giggled and exclaimed that I replied fast. To play along with this cheeky boy, I decided to sms him after school.

He replied fast too, but sounded sarcastic coz his lecture ended at 1pm while mine at 2:15pm. What the heck! He went on to memtion about LWS. He said he was unlucky to meet him but LWS was lucky to see him. Oh man, *neelej* is totally no shame. I tried to disturb him and said, "wow, u r unlucky to meet someone who's as irritating as u right?" I guessed that really annoyed him. Well, it has been few hour later, he hasnt replied my sms. It wasnt my fault, he started it first.

[I really hope to complete my secondary education with flying colours & head towards a better tertiary education!]

p.s. *neelej* behaves like a little boy at times. *cUte*

jamie was bouncin' @ 7:50 AM

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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Cool 'bout it

Oh ya, I been selected to receive VIP (value-improved pupil) award under Geography/SS category for my class. What an honoured! It has been 2years ago since I receive the award for Literature. *heex*

This morning I sms-ed *neelej* for his blessing for my practical. He was so cheeky - as usual. His attitude is much of a perfect boyfriend that u could play around & talk with. Oh boy, when can he be mine? Gosh, I behave like a ... desperate old woman. *heex* c'mon, my mummy (sandra) adores me. I love her lots too.

I can't imagine days without my gd friends with me. Life will be so dead. We (sandra, WeiLing, Jie Ying n I) went to rent a horror movie. Jie Ying & I were crazy, we don't even dare to watch half of the movie screened. *heeX* it was fun afterall.

*ice-cREam bOy* asked alot of funny qns abt, "what do u think if I like this & that", "Do u think they are compatible?", "what do u think of her?" & so on... I'm getting suspicious of his qnsing. *heex* Gotta find out!

[*neelej* I didnt mean what I say to myself that I dont love u. I hope one day I will be able to have e courage to tell u so.]

jamie was bouncin' @ 1:10 PM

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Monday, September 20, 2004

Message that's so strong

I'm listening to "She will be loved" by Maroon 5 now. All of the sudden, it reminds me of the message I received from *neelej*. The signal was so strong that he will never like NCC girl bcos' they are not like women. That really disappointed me alot. He has condemned that all girls in NCC are one of the kind.

"She will be loved", I don't feel love at all. Who am I to him? A junior? A friend? A crush? or nobody esle?

If u really dislike that kind of girl please stop bugging or play around with her feelings. give it a stop, alright. Maybe i'm just playing along as well. I can't be sure. If u don't like it, get a life and freak out! I cant' be bothered, at least not this moment.

But I felt heartache even when I'm saying this to myself. Am I really fallen in love with him? I can't think much about it. It's outta control boy!

[*neelej* stop makin me angry anymore!!!!!]

jamie was bouncin' @ 11:27 AM

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Thursday, September 16, 2004

Voluntary tuition teacher!?

I have hired a pte tutor ytd night. She's Kelly, currently 20 odds, working & teaches math. Well, she doesnt charge high and it's affordable. She's Huiru's neighbour cum tutor too.

Not long ago, I break the news to *neelej*. He was concerned and asked which subject have I seeked help. I told him it was Maths (mor of differentiation & Integration). He said he could help me in that area. I went on saying that I thought of giving up Physics but if I could score in my practical, theory shouldnt be a problem. Again, he offered his help.

He scored well in both area. An A2 for Emath, B3 for Amath & a B3 for Physics. I was joking that he was bright and did very well. He sounded firm with his word. He replied," I trying to be kind to offer my help. I am good at both area. Do u need help?"

I was stunned at his decision. I knew I wanted to see him so much but right now there's no time or space for love. I hope our friendship could maintain (it has been 3mths since RIKE). I wanted to focus thoroghly on my studies and excel. I know I could, I am trying hard.

Maybe I should end here, spend quite a few moment loitering about the internet!! *heex*

[ THanks for the help u wanted to give so much. I hope u felt the same way that I miss u too!]

p.s. Friday going Lot 1 shopping for clothes with Greenie!

jamie was bouncin' @ 11:11 AM

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Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Sweetness do spice up singlehood

Who says that enjoying singlehood has to be clubbing and hang out late into the night? It might be true but partially it is otherwise. In my point of view, sweetness do spice up singlehood. Especially coming for those u love/cherishe... it seem that love is breaking into control. *heeX*

Sweet Case No.1 - MusIc rOcks... (FreNx OnlY)

SMY is such a sweetie & straight guy? Ha! I think so. He's really into mUsic industry, just name him e song u wanna. He sure be able to send u one. In reality, he's a polite & quiet fellow but he can be tough at times. If u teased him & compliment him in MSN, he seem to be over the heels. It's near 12mm & he's sleepy. But he was sending me a few songs over. That's what he said, "nvm, it's ok. I will sleep after finish sending u those songs." *sMilex* Totally sweet!!!

Sweet Case no.2 - sMs rOcks (sUper-crUsh)

A simple msg that starts off e sMs-cOnversatiOn. It maybe a shOrt 6 msg bUt it seem to be alot. I enjoy reading this particular msg. "If u want to bully me, don't make it sound so obvious. hehehe, that was not what I meant. Later I miss u this cute & adorable girl how?"

that was not what I meant <- referred to e previous msg I sent *neelej*. He msged, " y always I never disturb u, u must disturb me 1st? u very disturbing..." I joked that I will never send him msg again. But I can't bear to do so. THat's how the "if u want to bully..." came abt. *heex* We are both cheeky!

Tml is the Pure Physics Prelim Practical. I am nervous but hope for the best to happen!!! I should believe in myself. *sMilEx*

[Twinkle, Twinkle little stars, did u see those 2 sparkling stars together? They're in love!!! ]

p.s. wanna be inseparated from your love & care! *Oops*

jamie was bouncin' @ 10:29 AM

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Saturday, September 11, 2004

What I wanted?

Recently, I been thnking thru' things about my life. I tried asking myself what I want to achieve in life? Prehaps what I want now. It's such a hard question to answer

Love:
Maybe I should not give up *neelej* neither I should presist with WKH. If fate allows, eventually I would get someone who love me. THere's no hurry to it.

Academic:
I think I shld make it a point that getting to TOP 6 JC would not be ez, if I determine not to go. I hope to get into National JC but I have to work very hard which I am not currently. Look at the rate I am going, definately can't make it. I tried. I swear I will try no matter how tough it is. This shall be my very 1st commitment in life.

Others:
Whether to go 48th CLT course, I have not deicde. I seem to be caught in a dilemma. I am not sure what is hindering me from making a decision. THere's a feeling - FEAR. What exactly am I afraid of.

It has been so long since I last heard about Wendy. If not for Kun Lin, I wouldnt have knew She & Eugene are together. I wouldnt have thot of the past. Everythng about her haunted me. I want to get rid of her out from my mind.

Lastly, Physics Prelim Practical is around the corner or just 4 days time. I hope I have done enough preparation. May god be with me. *wInK* Be confidence & stay calm. Self Motivation Self Discipline. I should start todae. Reivse!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss *neelej* alot, thot he wouldnt msg me but he did. Hope to see him soon. Hope my wish to top 6 JC shall come true (at least 1st 3 mth) n less den 12 pts fer L1R5 (both prelim & O lvl) !!!! Trying my very best.

jamie was bouncin' @ 9:56 AM

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Thursday, September 02, 2004

fine line between faith 'n' desire

What's faith? Things u believed in? What about desire? Things u wanted? But there's a fine line seperating them. When "faith" overtook "desire", u are some how taking dreams into reality. Whilst "desire" overtook "faith", things just turned out WRONG! It's totally horrible. That's my conclusion. I can't see NEUTRAL stand here. How could it possibly that "faith" & "desire" co-exist? Maybe I could be enlightened if somebody argue that qns.

My faith is to be with *neelej*, I thought my heart is all with him. But my desire tells me I need WKH, because I'm addicted to him. Let's imagine, if WKH & I really patched up, I will be complacent. I will start questioning myself - Do u need him? Do u love him? Maybe, I still can't let go our past. What's done, what's hurt are rooted in our heart. No way we going start afresh.

What if I am with *neelej*, life can never be more exciting with him arnd. We supported each other emotionally. I guess we make good company for each other. When I look into mirror, the smile on my face is telling me - Happiness is not far away...

Compared with situation 1 & 2, which one do u prefer to be in it? Obviously, is 2 rite? Do u seriously wanted to tie down by someone, exchanging it with your freedom? I mean is it worth to suffer when u thought u can make thngs right again?

I think it will be best to leave all these doubts answered at the end of O's. At that pt of time, I will be free from SCH-STRESS. *hOoray* If I found e right guy, I will be committed to him & definately fend off all rumour. Rumours might tear us apart! Love conquers all, dont u know? hehe...

[ If I said to u, "I been unfaithful to u." Please dont be angry. In a relationship, shldnt we be honest with each other? - Just Kidding ]

jamie was bouncin' @ 2:00 PM

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