La vie est un voyage ; J'aime u

Addictive drunker?

I can't fully describe how it feel like or sumthing. I think we are both into each other again? He, known as WKH was my 1st boyfriend.

When we were both alone in the cab, with an inexperience driver. Why did I lean on his shoulder when I was tired but felt safe? Why did I hold his arm tightly when he fell onto me while the driver make a sudden turn? Why was I so afraid and worried for him when we almost meet a car accident? Why did he hesitate when the driver think I'm his gf? Why did he always assure me everything is okay?

When we were lost in Clark Quay. Several times he tried to hold my hand but hesitated. He puts his arm around my hip but let go after few second. Have he forgotten we are no longer together? Why did he always assure me everything is okay?

At the Boat Quay. Maybe it's crowded that's why he sat very near me. Why did we always whisper in front of the gang? Is it too noisy there at the pub? Why did he jealous when Chuan Bao is talking to me? Why did he feel disappointed when I ignore him? He drank a glass of beer then.

On my way home. Is it true that every guy will share their concern to any girl they see? Msg them concern and blessing? Why did he msg me? Why did he always have to make me feel jealous of him?

Backed @ home. Why did he insist we should have a talk over the phone? Why did he say he cherish his relationship? Why did he say if we could be together? Why did he think it is fate that we meet today? Why did he say he feel pain when I am not okay? Why did he feel happy when his friend question our relationship? Why did he feel proud but unhappy when his friends admire me that evening?

Before he drink and after he drank, what is the difference of his meaning? Could he be drunk? It's a large glass of beer tho.

I felt unfaithful to *neelej* tho' we aint together. I'm truly sorry.

jamie was bouncin' @ 8:42 AM

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NCC Day Dinner 2004

Ytd was the NCC Day Dinner consists of award presentation & dinner I was invited to this formal dinner. I put on light make up, wear a white spagetti top and a pink flora print skirt. I am totally satisfied with my appeal & full of confidence. Compare with the prom we had earlier.

When I stepped into the grand ballroom, what laid in front of my eyes was astonished! Everyone was dressed up in their best - exactly like prom. My semi formal style makes me looked unique instead of casually dressed. I was proud of my insight for such fashion sense. I felt honoured to be ushered by LTC Yip to my table. It never cross my mind that the guys could be so charming.

The beginning of the dinner was boring until the PHS clts opening up to everyone of us ard the table. We played *Number Extreme* the only 2 who always *kena* were Xin Ren (ate 2 eyeballs) & Sebast (flesh of fish-head). It was gross!

Throughout the whole event, we (Derrick, Wilson) can't stop disturbing Sebast for his slow reponse and funny expression. It was fun. After that, I saw many of my (AIR) seniors. THey were surprised to catch me there. I took picture with them (mostly guys - dunno why is that so) Mr Hooi's presence really scared me. Derrick & his gang were weirdo.

After the dinner, I tagged along with Angie and gang to Boat Quay. They each got themselves a drink except for me. Not only that I'm underaged, I cant drink too. *giggle* I really enjoyed myself that day!

List of peeps I saw:
(AIR) - Maz (NCC OIC), Nisa, Khairulizah, Hazariah, Zulaika, Rena, Hui Xia, Angie, Kian Yup, Ian, Kin Wai, John, Sean P, Chuan Bao, Bertrum, Zeng Zhao, Ying Yi, Victor, Ali, Richard, Taufiq, Mr Hooi, Erwin, Pi Xiang, Maj Lee (Mr Lee) & some I can't seem to remember

(SEA) - Xin Ren, Nicholas, Derrick, Adeline, Wilson, Warren, Sean, MAJ Lee Wing Ying, LTC YIp, CS Lim TT & some juniors whom I duno their names.

(LAND) - (West) Daniel, RIKE Juniors from Jurong West Sec, (Central) Jason, Jing Yi & friend and some more...

(HQ STAFF) - W/O Thomas, SGT Shafiq, SGT Benny & more...

The list of name just go on n on then...

jamie was bouncin' @ 5:11 AM

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Friday, August 20, 2004

Never have I felt this way....

It was my first time to feel so frightened and lonely. My mind was blanked, I could heard my heartbeat beating fast as tho' it was running a race. I was lonely, I was waiting for his reply. He didn't promise me he would reply but I knew he would sooner or later. He never seem to hide how he feels about certain matters.

The day before, he told me he was suspended from his usual work: Lifesaver. I knew he felt bad and was disappointed. He didn't accept the fact he was... Instead he gathered his supporters and decided to negotiate with the lady who might be root of the cause. I believed he wanted her to spit out the truth.

He confronted her, and she claimed that she wasn't involved. I thought that he was enjoying such "attention". Anyway, I have nothing to say about it. I wasn't in my best mood recently. I felt really horrible. I began to think I am a sore loser. He told me to be optimistic. I tried, but I couldn't temporarily. Perhaps I need some time to think about it.

I failed to keep up my promise to revise regularly at least 1/1/2hr daily, and I was tired. I need a break. I watch lesser tv show and revise more than I ever did so far. Altho' it may not be a few hr of non stop studying. I believed I can do it and what I lacking is confidence. Hopefully, some time sooner I be able to regain my usual confidence. Esp. like those I had durin O'lvl oral.

All I wanted to conclude from that was: You'll be surprised how well you have presented yourself or done when efforts paid off.

I am telling myself strongly that: I CAN DO IT. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO START WORKING HARD. I'M DOING IT FOR MYSELF NOT FOR ANYONE.

This moment, I cried.

jamie was bouncin' @ 1:48 AM

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Saturday, August 14, 2004

Black Fridae indeed

The blog *ate up* my lastest entry of the day. Currently I am re-typing it. Not intendin to repeat what I have written earlier on. Getting really sick of it, if it happens again.

13th falls on fridae thus it's a black fridae. Usally my bdae do falls on fridae or good fridae. If u dont know yet, my bdae is on 13th April. I may be a jinx or somethng. People out there better beware of me.

I was saying earlier that I'm not in my usual self todae. I felt like I was pretending to be OKAY that I am not so. This may be due to ytd released of MT result. Whichever the case, forget abt it man.

*neelej* didnt feel good either. It's regarding about ytd trng issue. Well he called me just now. We didnt talk very long on the phone but I was contented to hear his dying voice. hehe...

Now, I do have a really bad attitude is that, I hate MT. IOt affected me badly in some sense. Not to forget, the adding stress from the sch. Sighz.

Try to smile girl. I know u can do. = ] *griNz* show off ya pearly white tooth. THat's rite. = D

I do afraid that I'm falling in love. Not at the moment for especially when my major exams are ard the corners. All I wanted to do is to ACE MY O LVL.

Hopefully at the end of the exam. Effort and luck do paid off. I shall be a good from now onwards in order to create miracle happens. STRESS? Let's be friend~

[If I could say just one thng to the guy I love, there will be WE. In WE, there's so much thng we can do and learn together.]

p.s. CHINESE SUX

jamie was bouncin' @ 1:45 PM

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Friday, August 13, 2004

the day i felt lost...

Am I lost or I am lost in my own world? Everyone knew it was a fact that we cant changed the sch policy and the result released todae. All I could said was that,"I am contented but I'm not satified!" It's 2 grades below my standard and expectation. It's atrocious, I shld get the better.

B3 is not my destiny for MT O LVL. A distinction for oral was what I wanted. Which ever the case was... I am disappointed. I am upset. I felt stressful. Why did I have so many subject to cope with? All these questions just popped into my head.

I have edited my priority and target setting. I maybe ridiculous I trying very hard to achieve it. Even it doesnt achieve by the end of O lvl. At least I tried to work towards the goal.

Priority Grade
ENGLISH B3
BIOLOGY A2
E-MATH A2
HUMANITIES A2
DNT A2
PHYSICS B3
A-MATH B4
CHINESE B3

wadever.wadever.wadever. so long i tried so long i tried so long wadever shit i am doing. I wanna to do what I never achieved b4 - to be the best that we can be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ I believed If i can achieve my dream my expectations so much that it will come true If i wanted it badly enough.]

Thanks *neelej* fer being there for me. He's always ther when i needed someone. What more can I ask frm a friend that i like? THanks god for given me someone like him.

jamie was bouncin' @ 1:06 PM

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Sunday, August 08, 2004

my illusion, my desire.

I dreamt of him last nite. I dreamt that he was with me. We were walking down this beautiful place, with our children holding our hands. We went to a nearby playground, watching our child having fun. Suddenly, he gave me a hug and a kiss on the lips. He said, "thanks, dear. For everything u hv done for me." I was surprised and was touched by his words. That was a very sweet thing to do.

Backed at home, he started playing piano... the melody was light hearted. I felt the warmth coming from his tunes and this home we created with our hands. It is our future together with our adorable children. Each night, he never failed to tuck them to sleep, talk to me... enjoying our world... understand what we have been thru' each day. I saw that our love was ever lasting...

He was working really hard in his career, he's not the sole breadwinner... but he's trying to give us all he could afford. We were practical, we knew what we wanted in our life. I was glad to have such a hubby.

during weekend, he brought us to swimming complex. He was teaching our 4yr old son swimming. He was a gd swimmer himself. Yes, he play gd piano too. What a talented man I hv got. We enjoyed ourselves there... we even planned to go to the beach next week...

Time really flies... it was our 10th wedding anniversary, he brought me to a special place, instead of the usual place. We went to a pub... yes we were clubbing. He snatched the microphone, shouted across the dancefloor. He shouted, " I love u,dear. Happy 10th anniversay. Love me forever will u? bcoz I will to u." I burst into tears, there wasnt any words to decribe my joy.

My love with him... juz continue..... I duno the ending.. but i know it will be a happy ending. May it will come true...

Back to reality, he msg me all of the sudden... really miss him lately. He was bz. I was surprised when he sae he just came back from piano lesson. I knew he took piano lesson.. but didnt know he's still taking it now. Thot he learnt it when he was a child. Well.. he isnt that old to learn sumthing.. so... wadever. Feel like luffing at him.. but.. cant bear to. hehe..

the dream... the illusion..may become reality...

If we like each other.. n fate allows it... Love is definately worth the wait.

jamie was bouncin' @ 1:40 AM

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Saturday, August 07, 2004

National Day 2004

I havent been consistently writing in my entry. Well, now I trying my best to make it up.

I must stress that I really enjoyed myself this day in sch. I danced with my peers n ncc juniors. We sang n we danced. exactly like the year before but more FUN instead. I really going to miss these old days I had in unity ncc.

I will remember... should one day i forget abt unity ncc... it will be a regret in my life. In these 4 years, we been thru thick n thin, ups and downs... not to forget what we had learnt in our journey in UNITY SEC. We might not like that place, but it sure leave behind us a series of great memories to remember with for the rest of our life.

I hope this beautiful day will not be the last in life. I believe one day... it will still be carrying on...

I simply love unity ncc...

jamie was bouncin' @ 1:22 PM

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