Never have I felt this way....

It was my first time to feel so frightened and lonely. My mind was blanked, I could heard my heartbeat beating fast as tho' it was running a race. I was lonely, I was waiting for his reply. He didn't promise me he would reply but I knew he would sooner or later. He never seem to hide how he feels about certain matters.

The day before, he told me he was suspended from his usual work: Lifesaver. I knew he felt bad and was disappointed. He didn't accept the fact he was... Instead he gathered his supporters and decided to negotiate with the lady who might be root of the cause. I believed he wanted her to spit out the truth.

He confronted her, and she claimed that she wasn't involved. I thought that he was enjoying such "attention". Anyway, I have nothing to say about it. I wasn't in my best mood recently. I felt really horrible. I began to think I am a sore loser. He told me to be optimistic. I tried, but I couldn't temporarily. Perhaps I need some time to think about it.

I failed to keep up my promise to revise regularly at least 1/1/2hr daily, and I was tired. I need a break. I watch lesser tv show and revise more than I ever did so far. Altho' it may not be a few hr of non stop studying. I believed I can do it and what I lacking is confidence. Hopefully, some time sooner I be able to regain my usual confidence. Esp. like those I had durin O'lvl oral.

All I wanted to conclude from that was: You'll be surprised how well you have presented yourself or done when efforts paid off.

I am telling myself strongly that: I CAN DO IT. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO START WORKING HARD. I'M DOING IT FOR MYSELF NOT FOR ANYONE.

This moment, I cried.