pressure knockin' on my door

It's a shame. It's a fear. It's a disappointment. It's a hope I have lost. I have let myself down. I never felt this way since I lost every range for the past 3 yrs. I pinned my hope so high, it crashed the ground so hard that it scattered!

Yes. I have improved! It's good but I'm not contented. How could you ever felt contented that u didnt fulfil your target? It's a shame that I tried but I failed. It's a fear that I could do it but I missed it. My hope is as vulnerable as a glass heart. I'm so sorry to myself that I didnt keep up the promise I said to myself.

My parents are not blaming me, they encouraged me. That's the pressure. Their understanding made me guilty, my brother "not-so-bad" result made me envious. He's my role model, he's my brother, naturally I wanna be as gd as him. I'm trying. I knew I could that if I try much more harder, this little improvement will be tremendous!

Regardless, what I have obtained today, it's e time to give off my best shot - O LVL.

first thing first, have a gd rest! = ) *winK*

Everytime am down, *neelej* happened to be there supporting me mentally. am really grateful to have know him. I'm trying to be fair here, my "family" like sandra n gang to yet gang, I'm really thankful.

p.s. THat's what friends for? To go thru thick n thin, envious but no jealousy and covering each other's BACK! *geeZ*

p.p.s I'm truly a girl, gosh, I'm gd at crying n screaming, didnt u ppl realize?

[dazin thru daes w/o u. - I like *neelej* more than WKH I thot. But *neelej* is a friend I wanna have for a long time]