La vie est un voyage ; J'aime u

initiative prog: crashed n gaming

2005-05-13T11:20:00.000+08:00

well. it's an extremely fun day. both excitement n heartache. debbie n i were trying out diff position to fly e plane. walter my loyal fren, mis-tuned e engine.

SERIOUSLY, i thnk i needed to bury plane. yes it crashed. my last impression of it was SHATTERED! totally. *walter pay me one plane*

we were engrossed in flying that we were late! Andy was waiting for us @ Parco Bugis around 11am. Ohmigod. the group of us (anthony, wlater, shamsul, me, uncle gary n debbie) chiong-ed to bugis's kfc and take away fillet meal. we wanted ZINGER meal! thx to e counter lady, she mis-led our com air n helped him save quite a sum of $.

nvm. we proceeded to arcade and began our CS gaming. I'm a newbie. I was killed for all e wrong reasons in that exciting n thrilling 2hrs. Andy lied he was a newbie. he played before and was sucha pro too. anthony is not cs spec for nth. haha.

i managed to kill my frenx! am not that bad afterall. Lolx. Not yet addicted but willing to try again (in a grp)

ohmigod. andy!!! Lolx. i shld stop going crazy over him. CUTE!

i met up with cherie, weiling, jieying, si wei n qin feng @ yew tee mac. we had a mini gathering going on there. i mizz all of them! *sigh* all my dardar n cuties. hehe. muz keep in touch often le. *muackx*

-yawn- it's a tiring dae. nitiex dia diary. Lolx act cute sehx

Initiative Day4: Flying & Crashing

2005-05-12T23:42:00.000+08:00

all of us came late for e originally planned aeromodelling trng. It supposed to start at 10am but ended up 12nn. Basically most ppl overslept - again.

Walter knew e fact that my fingertip is still attached. but it will be weird to demand andy fingertip on mine. join it! he own me!

after many days of fun and building, not to memtion rotting. we finally doing our flying. Richard was there to assist.

forget about the process. i cant fly with right hand. so i did rather badly compared to shamsul n walter.

before we call it a day. I tried flying my plane with left hand. Richard & I were blcoking each other way. so expected something will happen. e gd news is, i managed to do a loop (NICE ONE), recover it and a touch & go flying. STUNT LADY! Laugh out loud.

all these came with a price. The plane was crashed nosedown. My engine is freaking stronger than my plane itself. THe impact travelled. Propeller broke into 2 pcs. (impact moving on), my tail broke, wings "minor" crack (that's to the expert).

I think of it as SEVERLY CRACKED. Luckily it's "sav-able". By 4:45pm, we eneded everything including cleaning. we went to air office and slacked until 5pm.

We going to have an enyoable day tml. I'm looking forward.

Walter sent me ANDY's piix after tricking him to take. Walter *hugzz* u are my BEST FREN. HehEEx.

desperately wants u. u are in my mind more often than u thot.
- secret crush - carebear rox'

Initiative' Day 3: mishandled wound

2005-05-11T23:38:00.000+08:00

remember i memtioning playing with engine secretly? It comes with a price. Being rather nervous to try out outdoor. I either forget to take out glow plug starter or panic to get it out of the engine.

Being extremely careless, my index finger stuck onto the fast speeding propeller. oh goodness, the plane dropped down and my finger felt weird. i saw BLOOD. flowing out in large volume. I hope i would have donated it.

How do I feel? numb. pain. what the hell went wrong? my fingertip looked as tho it's CRACKED!

Walter (he's with me), he help me wash e wound under running water. He helped to booast my confidence for i fear the pain.

We walked to Air Office to seek medical help. Uncle Gary was merciless, he said we shld hv do it under supervision. But he wasnt angry. Afterall, the one gets "squeeze" is ANDY!

my goodness, andy reassured me twice he's a qualified medic. Even until i got home, i cant believe it. He made the wound swell badly and he skipped a few procedure in handling my wound.

e bottonline is, he mishandled my finger.

Back home, i treated my wound with cautious. I dup in warmluke water, with antiseptic added. unclog the blood clot. Swell minimize. wound looks better after i clear the clot. I went to the extreme of bandage it!

I lied to Walter thru sms, i said my finger was badly mishandled that it's impt that they cut off my rotted fingertip be4 it spread to the entire finger. he's worried sick.

intiative prog: Day2

2005-05-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

Life doesnt stop there, neither things ending ytd.

it's a raining day. walter is sucha loyal frenz. he came down again. much earlier than i was. alright. i was late for an hr or so. overslept. ok ecuses but i was bz reading thru' AKE'05 material.

Plz be understanding that am now holding to sucha major appt. Not exactly but many thngs i hv to make e decision.

ok. back to e main topic. the rain finally stopped and uncle gary dropped by aero centre. he said he saw happy to see us arnd. we had a chat about Air stuff. Later, he brought us out for lunch.

well, effort does pay off. someone FINALLY sympatize us and spare us the cup noodle. thanks god.

We didnt quit doing things late. We were both busy in the late afternoon. I was having AKE briefing with the CLTs.

guess what happen. i kena e major role. $%^%%$&7 that's training and ops aka S3. admin n log will arrow their things back to me to supervise. $%^&%^%^. chill girl.

hopefully AKE is progessing better! oh ya. Mini Exp will be from 27 - 29 May. KSTC - SAFYC. thru a relay system.

*walter and I played with engine secretly.

Initiative Aeromdelling: Building

2005-05-09T23:12:00.000+08:00

how long have i not blogged? i seriously miss blogging. ok lets get started.

feeling damn guilty for missing out a few moment of my life. that's 1mth since i last blogged. Pathetic huh!?

After many idiotic discussion and much presuasion. UNITY *eagle freak* decided to make things happen. finally i can get away doing aeromodelling.

unable to cope with loneliness and fear to be in aero centre alone. i asked walter along. we built up plane after plane. with a sense of achievement that it's done twice faster than we first tried. *hooray*

oh plz. do pity us. we been slogging since 10am - 5pm, eating cup noodles for lunch. be kind. sympatize us okay. the best part just before lunch was SGT ANDY care & concern. Laugh out loud.

i must say this out. e room WAS TERRIBLY DIRTY! yucks. wad a mess.

we ended up cleaning e entire centre.

- wondering what's e best part am talking abt? -
First he called to ask us, stop work and go for lunch. Reluctantly, we dragged until we have completed the plane. That's an hr later. Then, came a sms from SGT Andy: Dear Jamie, plz EAT UR LUNCH (winky smiley).

CUTE. Infatuated.

2005-04-04T17:25:00.000+08:00

Okay. This is another supernumerary guy who's part of e Color party last evening. aHem* Did I memtion he's my Saviour [Lian Kai]? that also means he's my CRUSH! HeHhex.

2005-04-04T17:21:00.000+08:00

She's my Jie from East district, she's a supernumerary n was e NCC(Land) flag bearer last evening. *clap*clap* Her name is Suhaila. Jie has a devoted bf, he's none other than Iman Nashoha, Air.

2005-04-04T17:16:00.000+08:00

Can u believe it? He's my rumour BF. The reason is clear, we always display our pix in MSN, or were saw somewhere together. BleHx. WeeeEee... DOMINIC's ATTACHED [extra info]

2005-04-02T17:30:00.000+08:00

I threatened the one if he doesnt hand over the camera to me. MuHahahax

2005-04-02T17:28:00.000+08:00

I was caught grining while watching television. I like the pink tint over my original photo.

2005-03-26T23:58:00.000+08:00

can u see it? a boiled prawn submerged in a cup of ice-cream soda!!! well, it's an accident. there's a story behind it. hehehe

2005-03-26T23:56:00.001+08:00

Alrite... the most innocent gang in town: H2O. I'm so disappointed... Jie Ying (last member of H2O), NHZ, Manx, Greenwind, Calvin n Yet Wei didnt come. btw, (left to right) that's miie, greenie n purplish nahx its cherie. All of us FAN JIAN! MuHahahx

2005-03-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

SI WEI. Our gayish partner! he's part-time h20 gang. he rocks. one smart ass studying in PJ. Why didnt he stuck this sh*t of going POLY together?

2005-03-26T23:55:00.000+08:00

ohoh. we went marina bay to eat steamboat/bbq! I met Kenneth (formerly Marist!) yup. e above is differenet ways of cooking prawns

2005-03-23T21:29:00.000+08:00

juz fer laugh... weee

2005-03-19T21:45:00.000+08:00

ohoh. e airgirls... we're e champion... yea. ohoh.

2005-03-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

VVIP: (Left to Right) CLT Kevin, Air Medic Ming Leong, CLT XuanSheng, Navy Medic Mark, 2LT Low Pei Yun, LTA Alan, CLT Jamie n CLT Dominic [crapx lahx - hehehe]

2005-03-19T21:18:00.000+08:00

MIA (from blogging) for almost 2weeks. Alrite lemme share some ophir pix.
Top (stacked up) to bottom: Yea that's where we stay on 1st nite in e resort. Followed by a grp of VVIP, West CLTs n Central CLTs.

improved get together...

2005-02-24T02:58:00.000+08:00

Finally, tho not e most beloved friends are here yet, we had an enjoyable moment together. WE managed to convert Alex Da Jie into a Pool addict. Man who started to talk to us girls. Shawn the usual Mr Nice Guy, Sandy the more n more chio mummy and Wei Ling the more n more cute daddy. Alritex, plus mummy's lover Qing Shun. What kinda sentence construction am I using.

Anyw, this gathering has improved alot better than last time. Still remb the times we went out, it's like MAN VS WOMEN! It was horrible, everyone left after e movie. FIRM! Now, things has changed, first - Pool then Dinner n Arcade. We were so crazy. I likin it!

I told Bern N Daddy abt the guy who totally tarnished his image. THey told me to stay away n I shld knw wad's best for me. Yep, sounded like old folks. Definately I will heed their advices. I knw they are just like me. What's friends for afterall? = ) *wiNkx*

Tarnished Image...

2005-02-23T02:43:00.000+08:00

You have absolutely tarnished your image in my mind. You were almost perfect, the one I will go for when the time is right. Unexpected, you are sucha person. Sorry, I been seeking your comfort. But there's a price to pay for, missing u for a wrong reason. Was it my mistake or was it yours? You are nth but a jerk, right now at this moment. How could you ever let yourself said sucha thng? Dont u feel shame @ all, @ all?

-enough- of your honesty. I had enough of all your honeyed words. Guys in e world are jerks. (I doubt I will ever trust a guy n get married) In a moment of anger, I said "guys are jerks".

Whichever the case, if you were joking, telling the truth or lying to me. It doesnt matter anymore. That's because, I dont want to be related to you - JERK!

I apologized if I have left you with the wrong impression. Fricking u, I'm not a hooker! Get away from me. There goes for the 3 bastards who approached me, be it I know u not. Hell u go. *cUrsin*

It's a sin to curse, but please be mindful of what you gonna say to a girl. Lastly, I'm not a hooker!

_byebye_ the boy who used to live inside me.

Bernard, My brother

2005-02-22T02:25:00.000+08:00

The other day 21st Feb was Bernard Kor2 bday. We had a mini celebration, with his gd sista (mie) n ex crush (sandy). He treated me lunch n sorta stared @ mie in an alien way. I nv seen him doing that. (we were hving kfc) He said I'm gentle, even the way I ate chicken. Dots. I mean, does he expects me to snatch the wing n bit it just like that? Let's not say, I'm a girl, I mean all e ppl i know, ate e same way i did.

-thats it- After which, we had a long chat together, met up Sandy n headed for Pizza Hut. We watched "I do I do" as well. Doing simple stuffs but enjoyable. Life can be simple, if u knw how.

I hasnt been myself since the release of O's result is drawing nearer each time I thnk abt it. Maybe I'm a little stressed up. I hardly bothered abt ncc.

Heck care. Get a life_*

Let's tok abt Bernard.

A guy hoping for simple love. THere's nth wrong with him. Some girls just cant accept him. Maybe there's a lack of chemistry? Comfort? or they are being materialistic. I'm not sure. Life isnt fair, i know.

YiWen, went out with him on Valentine's Day, they almost GOT TOGETHER but YiWen decided to pull out from this mixed feelings. Yepx, Bern was disappointed but what can he do? Life still moves on. Too bad, boy. Ncie guy deserves a nice girl. It's only a matter of time. = )

Yearning fer love

2005-02-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

When Mr E told me he likes me, I let him wait for me. When I feel like getting in love with him, I feel we are distance away from each other. Maybe I didnt catch hold e correct timing. We werent meant n ready for each other at the right time.

Thousand of hints (exaggerate), Million of care but all it needs is a few words from both of us. To say, "Let's get together." What seem so hard about it?

I remembered the times I worked @ lot1, during my remaining lunch/dinner breaks, i would go up to Popular bookstore n read up Chinese book. yes, it's love stories, beautiful love stories. On the cover page of e book, they have this nice saying that i would record inside my phone.

I had sent out a few to my close friends who's troubled by love. I'm not sure abt myself, pretty much alive alone. Even now i got a guy next to me, I do feel alittle weird. It could possibly be I'm used to loneliness or I'm wasnt ready for it. Whatever e case is, I just wanna be natural.

Well, I decided it's time ofr me to take a break from work. I been a workaholic long enough and have earned my 1st 1000bucks. I even went to rebond my hair n bought new clothes with e $ i earned. The feeling was great to pamper my tired soul.

All I really worry abt is actually GCE O lvl which is out probably on Fri 25th Feb. *Praying real hard to god*

flashback

2005-02-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

It's a lonely valentine's dae, my heart's emptied with no love n no care. I'm missing myself, e gd old self. i'm getting afriad of changes in life, so much that I wanna run away. If life is simple for me to move on, I wont felt this terribly.

Did I memtion abt Greenie aka Daddy's birthdae on 7feb? H2O came together plus Si Wei (who's presence) n Alex (Da Jie) blessing fer her. We met up n gathered @ Esplanade, came up with a surprised celebration n present fer her. I guessed it was e most wonderful, romantic n an enjoyable night for her, as well fer us. it has been a long time since we enjoy life n get together. I missing my best friends n gang.

Sometime being someone esles is tough, the feeling can be unbearable. Maybe I trying to be perfect, but that's impossible. Maybe I tried too hard n I need a break. Maybe... Maybe...

pinch of salt or was it jealousy?

2005-02-08T22:00:00.000+08:00

i thnk am missin him badly, n i thnk i will move on n forget abt him. there's so much in life to know, to learn n to experience. I shant delay myself n wait for him. the feeling of waiting for that someone is tiring. Knowin who he loves deeply, does hurt me deeply.

End of everythng, as this new year begins...

The sales has ended in Centrepoint and I'm transferred to Lot1 for a week. 11 -17 feb '05. It happened to be HuMan's bdae. Too bad, a celebration that gonna -poof- no more. Hopefully, his sistas are able to do somethng for him. I started to miss everythng I had in Centrepoint, the routine, the food, the colleagues, certain ill treatment... n I'm stuck in sucha emotion that i'm missin HIM!

Well, one day I shall see thru the meaning of love... no one deserves to be lonely - that's e belief I'm holdin on. Ha. i realized it's true that Aries girls are full of fantasy thots - esp fairytale.

*Get a Life_
[[ seein u hangin out with many other girls, i cant help feelin jealous n heartache but I do believe in u when others dont. hvnt u realized... it's tiring to put up a strong front that I'm happy with my life and get a life outta mine! ]]

It's ChinEse NeW Year EvE... n fOr e saKe of NANA, I made a trip down to Robinsons n settle certAin stuffs. Cant she extend one more day for mie? Frickin slacker.

my desire, my secret

2005-02-03T23:34:00.000+08:00

i thnk I hv a crush on him. I thnk I need him to accompany me. I thnk he's nice. I thnk I seekin comfort from him. I thnk n I thnk.

what's e relationship between us? I dont care. I just wanna feel I am being care for. I need a sense of security. I need someone reliable to be my guy. Geez.

Well, I have friends but not e same feeling u are seeking. Alright, I thnk too muchie. anyw, I been working fer 2weeks plus, still alive n happy except certain times. I have a grp of fun loving colleague in my dept. My bernard kOrkOr, my Da Jie Da Daphne, Her dEar Yi Yang, Mei Li Jie, MummMy n many more... there are my schmates n best friend buddy. ha. am I startin a family there? Geex

Todae came a new permenant staff for Hagger. Damn she's takin the same bus with mie n ahlong. Sh*t. There were seats, lucky us today. But ahlong gave up his seat for her, meaning i sat with her while he sat opp. us. I dont want it to be that way. To be reallly friendly... I spoke to her durin e entire bus trip.

Finally, I'm opening up to my colleagues. I'm beginning to show my true color. MuhAHahaha *evil laughters* I wanna enjoy my last 2weeks happier esp with ahlOng. Sh*t again, why must that hagger staff come between us!!!!!!!!!?????

-signed off- reluctantly bcoz I'm lost of words to describe lotsa thng that has happened.

p.s. I'm a great listener n someone who keeps lotsa secret for colleagues n friends. Geez, am piling up sh*t. Wth. What's wrong with me todae? all e sh*tty thng comin out from me. Oh. I knw e reason, I hated Jian Wei todae for deleted my emergency no. earlier on. F*cker.

He's e 1st to make me scold vulgarity. Can u imagine how hard he tried to piss me? I'm very pissed off.

Working Experience/Cat Diver dots

2005-01-19T23:31:00.000+08:00

Lets start off with my 1st working experience! I started working ytd, ohmigod~

I SURVIVED! All I can say is, working isnt easy. You need to be patient, alert, cunning n busybody. Oh, be a fast learner but never act like u are an expect, always consult e seniors.

After 2days of working, the peeps I talked to: Choon Long (he's a loyal friend; hopefully), Liza, Daphne, Jian Wei, Valerie (my schmate) & Bernard (best sista's ex stead best bro) - I know it sounds cool.

Oh yar, the peeps I knew today: Hagger (paiseng king; forgot to remind me lunch n went off with e rest), Jason, Bernard (another one), Hui Ting & Gisela.

Why did I say Choon Long is a loyal friend, at least he remb me, n wun leave me out for meal break. He's e one who showed me the way in e area other than my sales lahx. One thing for sure: He's super talkative & abit nuts. Ohoh, anyw all those memtioned are my YEAR de! All of us waiting for O's man.
======================================

I never believe that Mich will abuse Andrew, with the acknowledge from both parents. Mich's parents supported her (of coz) and Andrew's parents pissed off!!! Andrew shown to Zi Yang & I where the brusies are "located", it was wOhhHOoo... Poor thing.

Andrew was, harassed, kicked, punched, pinched, slapped, bitten & struggling a relationship of 2years from his girlfriend. After almost 2years, as well a heart-to-heart talk between Andrew, Zi Yang & I, only to realize DANIEL LIKED ME b4. Dammit. I didnt notice. ha. It was a great dinner with e guys, hardly hang out, probably the first!

I thnk I gonna miss them after Zi Yang returns to Aust (contactable thru online as usual), Andrew continues his tertiary education, so am I, hopefully a place in JC.

Slap me, I still cant believe Mich did those thing to Andrew. He cant wait to break up with her, I doubt he can now. MuhaAhaha... He's dead - cursed for eternity. *evil mE & Yang Yang*

p.s. Zi Yang & I decided to de-siaO andrew's working area sOooner. Andrew told me to drop by for lunch/dinner: have discount. Nicie~

2005-01-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

haha. met this guy before? he's JOEL!!! the nicest guy i ever known. weeee...

INDIA republic dae camp - sendin...

2005-01-15T01:37:00.000+08:00

INDIA: Lian Kai, Eileen, Min Ci, Haz, Iman & Marcus [48th]
Sender: Charles, Hock Sheng, Nonis, Mie, Suhaila, Melissa, WenTing, Shu Qing, Li Min ... [Ppl i knw]
----------------------------------------------------
Sue and Iman were sucha lovely couple! Iman gave her his photograph & his hankerchief. Sue was in her usual self - emotional [crying]

Mie? Envious man.

Melissa came with her bf, Keith, Mel seem to be still in love with Saviour. She called him before the flight. When they shook hand before leaving, it took them a longer time to let go. THeir eye contact was... they cant bear to leave each other I guess... Somehow, I missing him. Ohmigod!

Changkat Changi Sec was inefficient. Hate it. Spoiler! Got home scolded by parents, thanks to that retarded school.

I love ytd's dinner, a treat from S/CLT John, Bertram & Alvin! THey rock and we ate buffet... yummy. *bloated*

p.s. if not for my mum, i will be going india. anyw, i just have to wait fer the next overseas trip.

Blessing

2005-01-14T02:12:00.000+08:00

Dear Lord, I'd like to pray for my saviour who is going to india today. Pray that you give him peace in his heart when he's lost and uneasy. Pray that he will be safe from harm. Pray that he can be a happier guy when he's back to Singapore. Pray that you guide him and be with him. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen

----------------------------------------
I prefer to be christian, I seriously need to pray. I'm not a devoted buddhist! Other than observing the rule against eating beef. = P

p.s. will be bring bible up to ophir. shld be.

HQ/Sentosa

2005-01-13T01:57:00.000+08:00

[Wednesday] - 12/1/05
Saviour kept reminding me to keep that issue a secret. I was sorta made to swear to him. Aeromodelling trng was cancelled so I intended to get someone going hq to get a few vcds fer my sch. I thot it's troublesome to go there on my own. I approached saviour and asked him. It's a gd thng, saviour told me he accom me there after his sch, since he needs to go there as well!

I got myself a company and we managed to click on well as we are in msn. He's really a gentle guy who's soft spoken. Great. I like him! haha. Friends are ok. Don't thnk he likes me too. = P

p.s. that's e bad thng fer not being chio looking. *kiddin* and am going ophir this coming march holidaeee...
-----------------------------------------
[Thursday] - 13/1/05
I went out with Joel and he's half mine - not officially together. Can't be bothered as well. My lil feelings for him has faded, even if he's a super nice guy i knw. It's just too bad. Both of us went Sentosa, slacked e entire afternn till night. Caught a show @ Musical Fountain - Cool. It was a nice outing filled with beautiful memories.

p.s. my mind now is filled with saviour...

my saviour's affair

2005-01-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

on this day, my gd friend confessed she had an affair with my saviour. even tho she has a bf of 6mths. the affair lasted less than 2weeks and many thngs happened. Accusations, rumours, stuffs like that. My saviour was rather angry as my gd friend seem to be telling lies to others. Anyw, it's a secret affair, that went to e extreme of kissing and hugging. Both parties were willingly agreed.

I heard from both parties, when they confessed to me one day soon after another. Firstly, I knew my gd friends goes after cute boys [even she has bf]. Secondly, her bf broke down and cried. Thirdly, saviour was lucky not to be identified by s/clt. Ok all these are crap.

From what I have observed and realized, I thnk both parties still like each other. Even they had told me not to bring this matter up again, but they wanna knw thru me what they thot of each other. I'm sorta e middleman.

I was really surprised @ e existance of whole incident. *sigh*

Tsunamis...

2005-01-01T01:19:00.000+08:00

As I was looking forward to a new year begins, I was reminded of the tragic in nations around Indian Ocean. The victims laid along the beach (which has lost its beauty), with their eyes opened, their arms stretched out and there was fear in their facial expression. They fought for survivial but they lost the battle. THeir struggle to no avail.

The survivors were not spared. They might be alive but they were no longer the same. Locals were hopeless as their homeland destroyed, shortage of supplies, lost of jobs and also their loved ones. The tourists were devastated, they too had lost their loved ones. What left in the memory of those who witnesses the tidal waves was traumatized experiences. Every night they would recount the whole events, the waves, the screams, the struggles and the death in their dream... it was NIGHTMARE!

I can't exactly tell you, I know how they felt. It's something outsider couldn't understand bcoz we SINGAPOREAN in our island was shelthered by the neighbouring countries misfortunte in exchange for our blessing from possible immerse under the sea.

THe beautiful beaches, cozy resorts and lively environment, with thousands of tourists coming in for a nice holiday. These nations with great resources and land which were seen as rivals to singapore's tourism board. But now, we have looked at it differently. We count ourselves lucky and in the same time with guilt. With limitation of what we can do for them, we also pray for the victims to rest in peace, the survivors to be stronger and move on and the nations to regain prosperity.

Before I move on to a new chapter of my life, I would like to end my New Year eve with 1 minute of silence. *Counting down*

- what's painful in life is our memory, bcoz it's somethng we have fer a lifetime. thats what made the survivors upsets, an experience they would never forget. -

You Light Up My Life

2004-12-26T20:29:00.000+08:00

So many nights, I'd sit by my window,
Waiting for someone to sing me his song.
So many dreams, I kept deep inside me,
Alone in the dark, but now you've come along.
And you light up my life,
You give me hope, to carry on.
You light up my days
And fill my nights with song.
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the waters
Could it be finally, I'm turning for home
Finally a chance to say, "Hey, I Love You"

Never again to be all alone.
And you light up my life,
You give me hope, to carry on.
You light up my days
And fill my nights with song.
You, You light up my life
You give me hope to carry on
You light up my days
And fill my nights with song
It can't be wrong, when it feels so right
'Cause you, you light up my life.

Silent Holy Night

2004-12-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

=== 5:26pm +++
Somerset MRT Ctrl StatN

=== 5:50pm - 6:50pm +++
35mins late for Kung Fu Hustle (movie). *imagine* theatre was full hse, in e center region & *zoom in* in e MIDDLE there were 2 seats. yepx, those were our seats. it's rude to interupt e audience so we decided to sit by e stairs (that's not retarded -- yet) a staff came in *spotcheck* found us. *spare ya details* We settled down behind EVERYONE literally. (if u were there --- we looked like retards) 0.0 gong fen|/>

he flashed out this small box to me. (what a way to give x'mas present under sucha situation) ok. I was surprised n i didnt prepare anythng. Movie was his treat TOO! hehex. Oh e movie, two thumbs-up. Watch it peeps~

=== 7:20pm - 10.00pm +++
arrvived @ e foot of fort canning park. finally made our way up n down e park to our "seats". it was a cool n christianity kinda x'mas bash. as am no longer a christian b4 i knw it, i cant sing-a-long those many holy songs. *argh* didnt knw those songs were POP n ROCK. Pretty much like it. We had snow spraying session (again fer him!). *spare ya details* there's LODI (or IDOL) com. their singing *wOhOoo* gOoooOood~ girls will be girls. the SCREAMING, yox damn LOUD. One guy seem to be on pill, he's TOO HIGH for e holy song. He looked like he's CLUBBIN. (-.-")

Did I memtion Andrew (wiv Mich) brought his doggie SOCK!!?? He attracted most of my attention from e CONCERT/BASH. I adore him!!! I like e way he showed his affection for me. I meant SOCK!!! The first time I met him, he immediately jumped on me & gave me a real sloppy KISS! *shOcked* thnk abt it now... it's *exciTin* 0.0gong fen|>/

=== Rest of e night +++
aHem. e FAREWELL was kinda drama backed @ fort canning park. All those handshakes n greetings. HmmMmm...

p.s OH he gave me a cHain (wiv my name craved on e plate) feR h/P. it's 925 silver, NICE! but 5letter & more = xtra charges. JAMIE, five!!! FOC. *CrapPy*

missin' 'em so muchie

2004-12-24T17:59:00.000+08:00

After deciding to revive my blog, I realized I misses many part of my best friends' life. Ever since the start of CLT COZ, I seem to lose touch of my best buddies in school. It's undeniable I have been selfish to think of myself.

Hopefully, I didn't realize too late how much my best sistas have been thru'. I wanna be there with them, if only time permits. NCC is no doubt a time-consuming activity. *flash-back* All the beautiful memories we shared... all the jokes we cracked... some part of me can't let go to the day of releasing O lvl results.

I can imagine that moment, we are hugging, we are crying, the joy we hoping for and the disappointment we are unexpected of. Somehow, I'm not sure what kind of path I want to move on. Without them in my life, life is nth but a pinch of salt.

If only, we know how to live our life. If only, I know how to move on. If only, we will be together - friends forever. It's natural to have friends leaving and coming into your life. It's part and parcel of LIFE. It's life we are talking about.

We can never predict the future. We can live the day and cherish what we have. As for now, I will sms them saying how impt they are to me!

p.s. I do get alil' worry regardin o lvl results! *blehx*

the helm of a simple love

2004-12-23T22:54:00.000+08:00

On this day, 22/12/04, I'm blessed by our priest (Faiz) and we were pronouced *Online Couple*. It's a helluva romantic and simple ceremony with my LL dearie (Justin).

As we walked down the beach, hand in hand, we're beginning our new life chapter. We found a cool spot under the coconut tree, lied side by side and gazed at the stars. We listened to the waves, as if they were the band, celebrating our joys. The stars twinkled, equally as happy as we were. Forever. We promised.

Our love is simple. Our love is patient, kind and not self-seeking. Our love keeps no record of wrongs neither delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. Love never fails and there's always hope.

From that moment, I knw I have u for eternity. I love u.

x'mas gift from Ernest

2004-12-21T16:19:00.000+08:00

Dear Jamie,

I feel very lucky to knw and to have a friend like u. Thx for e encouragements u've given me on 22/11/04 night and I'll always remb it. U've made me believed in fate and I'll leave it to fate to decide my future path but deep within me, there will only be an angel who I had chosen and u knw who she is.

Believe in yourself and in whatever thngs u do. Once decided, try your very best to fulfil it. Do not care how ppl go abt looking at u but how u look abt yourself. Best of luck in whatever thngs u do and may god bless u.

Lastly, after some serious thoughts, I've decided and would like u to knw that I'll wait for u... Whatever decision that u will make will be alright with me coz' I just want u to be happy. But everytime when u are down, just remb that there will be someone out there who still cares and thnk abt u.

If u need any help anytime, feel free to approach me...

Ernest

===================================================
Oh ya, the above comes along with a furry blue bear. *speechless*

The secret of self-esteem

2004-12-19T16:45:00.000+08:00

Have you ever thought of...

The agony of inferiority:

I grew up thinking I'm dumb and stupid, compared to others, I do feel inferior. Reason/s - The school sucks, producing sucky students! Not only that, almost everyone is concerned of their looks. Pls stop denying - it's a fact! If you think you're ugly, you lose your confidence.

Okay, that's crap. Most importantly, recognise that you are not alone! C'mon, everyone is afriad of embarassment and ridicule! It will boost your ego and give you more confidence.

I'm talking about SELF - ESTEEM here.

We have to face our problem and try to solve it. What esle can be done? Compensate for our weaknesses and focus on our strengths. Yeah, that sounds good!

*Flash-back* Why I can't accept those peeps outta? Partially, I'm not confidence of myself and I don't know them well. Frankly speaking, it's strange "dating" someone you are unfamiliar with. *blehx* singlehood rocks, I'm still lovin' it~

p.s. I began to detest T.K. LEONG (Loser!) I never call anyone a "L", he's the first. I believe ppl outta can imagine how horrible this guy is. *let ya imagination run wild* hehx

CLT coz review (random)

2004-12-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

02/12/04 (thu)

I was backed to the arms of S3. We did teambuilding, it was fun but i missed the one with S5. *sigh* Being a left handed has lot of inconvience prospects. For an instance, LT Joel tied the wrong knot on the carribina for REPELLING. That resulted my rapid movement downwards from 4th storey high block. Luckily, Lian Kai (my saviour) was the assistant. Somehow, he saved me! He became my "bf". btw, he's Grace ex. *Oops* I molested him during parallel balance! hehx

p.s. I got a super big bruise n s/clt mazlinah helped me massaged!

09/12/04 (thu)

today was our POP. I enjoyed it alot, I took many photo with my good friends esp the girls! I adored them. We heard this rumour that ruben has a gd, if it's true he gonna get some ass kicking from us! Around 11:40pm, we had HELL NIGHT! It's the time we took revenge on our ap/c. clt WeiJie from S4 was horrible, he POURED water on me. I didnt even splash water on him yet.

p.s. That's many good moments I cant describe or remember immediately. But that wonderful feelings are kept in me forever!

11/12/04 (Sat)

Let's get to the bottomline:
KQ slept over @ JL's place, they talked till 3am & slept in the SAME ROOM. What happened behind closed doors was unknown. Both of them were eccentric, can't be trusted.

14/12/04 (tue)

It was the 2nd day of our aeromodelling course. I was assigned to be trained for our sch aeromodelling. Damn! Nonethless, just do it man! I had hands-on, it was cool. to some it was dumb. Well, whatever. towards the end of the session, we had TCS. Stupid discussion 7 I was accused to be a lesbian. What the H***~! T.K. Leong don't know what's a "vibrator". hahx

15/12/04 (wed)

We have been waiting for this moment of our clt course as well. It's to get our certificate of appointment as a clt. I met many of my seniors and either they have ORD or promoted to S/clt. Congrats & wish the best of their future endeavours. Part of the syndicate went out today. There's Kevin, Ronson, Kenneth, Me, Hajar, Alvin, Ika, Haz, Khair, Justin, Wai Yiu, Anthony & LT Ben. We cracked sick jokes, played @ arcade & took neoprint. Altho' it was a short span of 4hrs. Ben looked cute when he smile.

p.s. I don't thnk KQ & JL will have a happy ending. That's not being mean.

faMe or FraMe?

2004-12-05T14:30:00.000+08:00

I dared not claim to be the popular figure in 48th CLT course. But at least stop disturbing me by calling my name now & then. It gets really irritating. Fortunately, I was in a good mood so far to vent my anger on anyone.

Nonetheless, the "guessing" of Andrew likes me or not is finally revealed. Yes, he does! He pleaed me to consider him. Gosh, I'm getting really impatiented & annoyed. how am I supposed to tell he, as well to Ernest? I knew they are ready to face the fact of rejection. But I do feel the disappointment in them.

Ok, ytd our syndicate 5 opened up a mass chatbox in MSN. The group of us are going really crazy. There's bisexual on loose. The guys simply love "gay-ing". THere's this part when they typed: Alvin -> Jamie -> Nonis -> Jamie

My heart beats so fast, I'm running out of breath, that I'm panting soon. *exaggerate* anyw, ENJ is really nice & funny. The kind of guy I like but he needs to be taller! Gotta bk in for CLT coz soon. That's frustrating! Argh!

I believe I'm not a flower vase or somethng, so stop frame me at a corner or somewhere esle. That's insulting @ times.

why not friends?

2004-11-30T18:33:00.000+08:00

After reading Ernest's confession, I must admit I'm touched but I cant seem to accept him. Maybe, my heart is tied down by someone or we are lacking chemistry. The kind of special feelings u feel towards someone.

The course has been going on for a week (soon). Each time, I saw ENJ I felt like wanting him. We would walk the same pace (if he's next to me), he would try to fall in next to me, he would say "Hi" when I look into his eyes n I knew him since sec 1. He's simply attractive.
Ohmigod! Could I possibly have a crush on him? I mean he's really nice to all of us. I really want him to be nicer to me!!! i'm thinking too much. blehx

Azim told me in his plat S4, there's this guy kinda obsess with me. I knew it was Andrew, he went to ask my platmate for my no. He even knew my dining in table code. I really thankful to those guys who complimented my figure & how attractive I was in no.2 I appreciate their appreciation but it just felt weird.

Ever since O lvl ended, I have received about 5 love confessions. They are not bad to some sense but I'm still in the state of shock.

Let's leave this love issue aside, today NE lesson, we needed to build a "straw structure" this is to promote teamwork & understanding of such term. Intially, everyone has their own idea, for e first time I'm applying D&T & Physics (the rest too) to this activity. THey trust my opinion bcoz am the only dnt student. THe end product was satifaction esp. e part of physics: centre of gravity! We had so much fun.

Melissa (cresent) looks like Jeslyn, we were bored to death (soon). We played Bingo, Tic Tac Toe, folding hearts & lot of funny stuffs. I'm getting sick of NCC @ some pt of time. anyw, POP is coming soon. I am looknig forward to it!

confidential

2004-11-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

Jamie, actually there's a secret which i had kept for some time. And for now, i decide to let you know becoz we wun know when we can meet again. Actually on last year's UDI course when we chatted on the train, i have to admit that i do have a little attracted to your cheerful and cool character.

But that time i was rushing for my ex's birthday so did not spend much time to chat on with u. Abt half a year later, on this year's june, i ran into you at the keat hong lrt station. I was rushing home becoz my sis had hurt her hand and mum's out, therefore did not pay much attention to my surrounding. Its not that i had forgotten you. When i was in the train, i then saw you and recalled that someone was calling "Staff Staff" and i felt real bad after that. I searched high and low for your contacts but was in vain.

Until i met you again at lot 1, outside The Body Shop, i told myself that i am not going to let you go off like that again. But becoz my ex was beside me and she easily get wrong ideas, so i made her stay at the basement before going up to the Popular to look for you. I had never done such a thing with my ex around u know.. haha.

After that day, i was very busy with my stuffs and din manage to stay in contact with you. One day when i was at my friends home, i suddenly thot abt you and i called you, got ya hotmail add, but my comp was down. Jux before o levels, i broke up with my ex becoz i felt that the problems are too much. I had told her abt you, hoping that she can accept you as my friend but it turned out negative and we often quarrelled..

After the O, i met you again on msn messenger and i really dun understand y, i was quite happy. It was when i questioned myself abt the feelings. I this similar story to my best friend and he said that i probably had fell for you. I cant believe it you know. i mean, i had juz ended one and i like another one. He then said that i should had already liked u ever since i met you for the first time.

From then, i had not slept well at nite. Thngs jux kept poping out and i'm real lost. On the 24th nov, i went to cut my hair at plaza and met you again. Tis time was as close as ever. You were juz infront of me when decending the escalator. I was shocked... That night, i cant get to slp at all. It was then dat i found out i cant bear you to leave for the course. In other words, i'm missing you... I felt like msging you but hav no courage at all.

The nex morning i went to cck to collect some stuffs from weixian, and was praying in my heart that i could run into you jux one more time to tell you, take care. But i cant find you. Disappointed, i went home. On the 26th, i asked you to meet me at the cck lrt was becoz i actually wanted to confirm whether i'm really mising you. True enough, the moment i saw you, i felt very relieved and relaxed. I had never felt so good before i swear. But i later learnt from you abt a guy in the course, your friends were li-siaoing you abt. I felt lost again.

That night, i went home and considered abt whether to let you know that i had liked you before any thing worse happens. On 27th, i finally plugged up my courage to ask u abt it. And i also made the biggest mistake in my life for telling you thru sms. I regretted alot.

Firstly, i cant tell you wat actually i mean and feel at one go and secondly, if you dun reply, my worst nightmare is going to happen. I nearly feed my hand into a machine while thinking about you that day you know.. haha. All i can say is Jamie, you came into my life at the wrong time. If only i had been posted to Unity sec and met you earlier thngs might not be the same anymore. I dun expect you to like me or wat but i jux wanna let you know that you are actually on my mind more often than you know. I know its a little too sudden for you but it was that guy in course you toked abt made me spilt out part of my secret.

Curse him! haha.. Remember you once asked me whether i'm jioing you? I had a confused feeling when replying you. Its in the ways that we always met, the way that you comfort me, made me wished that someday, you could the angel. "My angel that is arranged by fate to guide me thru the rest of my life." This is onli wad i wished and i am clear that it may not happen. Until now, i still kept thinking abt the 4 times we met each other, its like it was arranged somehow for us to walk pass each other.

I'm prepared to accept the fact of rejection when i decided to let you know. And now, i suppose it is ba... haha. And i regretted for telling you so soon. Anyway, hope that we can still be friends and if you need any help, feel free to approach me. I would be most glad to help. I had said wad i think i wanna say le..... Have a great life ahead and smile awayZ! :)

48th Intake CLT

2004-11-28T16:40:00.000+08:00

Day 1:
I survived e 1st day, I'm not sure what has installed for me the next day. *neelej* sms-ed me and told me he will be supporting me thru'out CLT. THere was sweet. The entire day was either lecturing or drills so, nth surprising.

Day 2:
The entire day will be purely lecture. During the discussion, I joined S4 (ICB/Jack/William/Eugene/Alfred/LiRong/Dom/Nich). I was supposed to present our ideas but the officers collected the list. I thought I wont hv to present until the officer shouted out, "S4/Jamie!" I stoned immediately, stood up, slapped lirong and walked to e stage.

From that pt onwards, it seem that everyone knew my name. Thru' my presentation, they got my pts n humour. I felt like an entertainer. Nonetheless, the day ended peacefully.

Day 3 (Dining-in):
I was selected to represent AIR district in ushering. I ushered Dr Aurther Beng, Commandant NCC Lim Theong Tye & General Goh. The feelings were marvellous. I was in my no.2 then, I was busy so I didnt take many picture. What a disappointment! But some guys came in time when I was free to take a photo with them, but I dont know them. Anyw, it's only photo.

There are ppl ard complimenting my figure that suits so well in that no.2. My soul almost flown away from my body. Naturally, every girls will be happy upon hearing such praise. Yes, it's no sarcasm. I was pretty much confident in myself as well. I am presentable, ok! *giggles*

Unfortunately, behind every happiness there will be a bad news. I sprained my ankle!!!

p.s. I'm quite missing *neelej* and syndicate 4/5 are teasing me with Alvin Leong. Ohmigod!

mixed feelings

2004-11-20T17:49:00.000+08:00

"I will never like NCC girls"

"u r not tt bad. If u like sum1, just tell tt person. at last being rejected give u new hope of finding sum1 esle..."

"... ok, be frank with u, is it me? cause u give me the feeling, it does matters to me..."

"if u dun wish to ans me den fine with me. thngs are not what u assume it is, u got to try it out sumtimes..."

=======================================

I told u it doesnt matter, who the one i like. I just knew he wont likes me. Stop being pushy and getting me confused.

I do remb u told me, u treat every girl the same. I (really) assumed that I been getting the wrong signal and all along it was my will to like u. I can't figured out what u thnking now.

STUPID guy, all those hints u wanted to know are up in ya head. All this while, I must say I didnt do anythng extraordinary for u but the same for everyone (friends). No special treatment in another words. (giggles)

Seriously, the special feeling of attraction to u do exist. Greenie was right, why dont we turn the table round, tell me u feel e same way too?

alone @ home.

2004-11-19T19:28:00.000+08:00

it was a happy dae initially. I have planned in mind, be an audience @ Aeromodelling Open Hse, meet up some friends for dinner and hopefully some entertainment @ e end of e dae. All these was messed up with the appearance of MDM MA!

(she wasn't VERY angry; she knew how much I could scored fer DNT)

She nagged @ me, threatened me, called up HQ for clarification, persuaded me home cause she'll be checking. She meant what she said.
She was worried because my last paper is her core subject. Get what I mean? Worst still, Ms Pok came into interuption.

Ms Pok: Go home n study. Dont go NCC (continuous @ least 10times)
Mdm Ma: I told u blah blah blah... (10times n beyond)

backed @ home
Jamie: ya dnt girl is sound n safe (alone) @ home of comfort, revising her LAST IMPT paper: dnt. p.s. enjoy e ceremony
Mdm Ma: thx, enjoy ya revision, gd girl!

Oh man, I'm all alone @ home. I felt lonely and there is no one to turn to.

what is this? From 3:20pm to 6:45pm - I went to beach rd loitered with Hajar preparing fer the camp.

p.s. Happy Birthdae Meng Koon~! = P

somewhere only we know

2004-11-15T15:40:00.000+08:00

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin
And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

pre-struggle

2004-11-14T13:47:00.000+08:00

======================================
Trying to be someone that you know your not
It gets harder everyday
All the lonely days
There's no one left to love
You wish life would go away

I know one day I'll get through this
I know one day we'll be done
I know one day I'll find a way
To see you
=======================================
ZY once told me, to avoid a guy because u knew he likes u is mean. I told him, it's cruel as much as I dont want my guy to treat me so. It's e only way to stop them from rejecting another girl.

*neelej* called me twice this morning, but I didnt answer. I was scared. Now he knew I like someone, but I dare not tell him who. He asked if I was angry at him, I dont know what he meant? I thought I shld hv let go...

p.s. no point struggling, I alr tried. If u just smile from now on...

wrong crowd, confused mind

2004-11-13T23:40:00.000+08:00

SHORT INTRO + SUMMARY:
Ho Zi Jian Steven, SP CE final yr, West SCLT (42th), 1984. The bottomline is HE's FREAKED ME! I never met (dun even remb seein him b4) someone who's so straightforward!

*Do u think fate is pulling us together & Mr Naughty Cupid has been giving u chances to see me? The day came, u got the chance and u knew me. Will u go all way out and say: I WANNA WOO U!? - U FREAKED ME n u knew it.

RECAP- How he knew me:
1st~ NCC DAE PARADE (I walked past him)
2nd~ NCC DAE DINNER (He sat in e next table to ours)
3rd~ 48th CLT Briefing (He's 1 of e instructor coming to 48th)
4th~ Friendster
5th~ Could it b ANGIE's work!?

*coughin* regardin e 3rd love confessN of e week, XS & Nich r truly "best" friends of a kind. YES! (of a kind) STOP LAUGHING @ ME! Wait till u got e taste of being woo & listening to sucha confession. I doubt e 2 of u can resist it.
=====================================
I'm just an average girl,
I dont find any attraction in myself.
Looking back @ e mirror,
I knew she's e special one in me.
But, lay in front of o's eyes,
thy special someone is never seen.
Thy girl only appears in reflection,
is never exist in reality.
thy moment o's thnk of love @ first sight
I was blinded not by your beauty but ya laughters
Are u e one they saw?

p.s. what e heck did I do to give gd deep impression? I dont even find myself outstanding or competenance, perhaps even attractive. What exactly went wrong? Personality traits or Appearance? Why Love always goes wrong n e wrong crowd came!?

p.p.s the right guy is always distant from ya love. sigh.

troubled daee

2004-11-11T15:55:00.000+08:00

La vie est un voyage ; J'aime u

I thnk am getting way too cool that I'm becoming so quiet. I seeking for forgiveness to my quietness. I am no one but me.

I listened to 2 confessions ytd. It's unexpected to hear it from LWS & ST. I can't be bothered about ST coz he's a jerk I been hearing abt. My most concern is LWS, it never come across my mind he too... like me. That's the craziest thing in e world!

Each time I hv to reject a guy whom I believed to be my friend, it hurts me as much as I am to him. I do not like the feeling to hurt someone esp. I'm afraid to do so. However, if I chose not to do so, I might hurt him further.

To love and to be loved --- a sense of happiness but to love someone and not to be loved is tragic. I really caught in a dilemma. I just wanted some peace! It's true that if u like someone and failed to tell that person, u will never know if she/he loves u too.

BUT! I do not need so many ppl fallin in love with me.

I just need someone who:
Loves me - treat me good - cute! - have chemistry

If there's no chemistry, I'm afraid it's hard to sustain this relationship. Please forgive me, u know who u are...

crazie ppl all over e place

2004-11-08T12:40:00.000+08:00

La vie est un voyage ; J'aime u

ICB is crazy! He said he might get full marks fer Emath paper2!!! I dared not dream about it. THat's so ambitious. Way to go, brother! I'm praying a safe zone of 70% fer paper2 even after moderate, I will still be able to get my B3. Surprisingly, I'm ambitious in saying all these. = )

This wednesday will be a great challenge because it's PURE BIO paper. I have done 75% preparation of it already. I dont care what I'm going to do, I must try to achieve at least B4!!! Altho my targeted result was A2. Whatever it is, let's CHIONG fer the remaining paper.

*yawn-* that's tiring geez.

THis blog making me damn sadz as if I am some pessimistic girl or worst suffering from depression!

new fun with blog surf

2004-11-07T19:14:00.000+08:00

I finally got my blogskin changed after much bugging & temptation. This is the most satisfying one I changed so far. With e installation of music & tagboard, i'm sure my sistas are able to blogsurf happily then.

I always like the color black and it took me ages to find one of my like. Okay~! I tried to edit as much n at its best as I could. That's the problem when u hvnt been doing webpage n interacting with codes. Certain part of ya brain containing these info seem to be rusty. Alrite~! Tml hving emath paper2.

Wishin myself luck.

Ha. WKH & I are living in different time zone. We happened to turn day & night upside down. Well, after straighten my thoughts during my FREE time. *neelej* is no one esle but a true friend. Let's keep it this way! = )

p.s. this blog sounds depressing esp with e addition of BRITNEY: everytime. Geez. I'm loving it~!

under e name of love

2004-11-06T19:16:00.000+08:00

I thought about it night and day, when will it be my time to call him mine? I closed my eyes, memories flashed back in my mind, those vision of happiness never seem to come back again. I paused to pray, hoping god shall listen to me. One fine day, the vision should back to reality, holding our hands as we walk down the street together.

If ignorance is a bliss, I guessed I was cursed. For as long I know, love is such a complicated thing that I wish to forget. It's sacred and I dared not touch. My heart will scattered and sank into depression if happiness should leave me again.

I chose to run away, I can't run that fast. Something is catching up and I cant shake it off. I dont want to fall into the trap of love! I dont want to be the fool!

Only I fell into it deeply, I was meant to be the fool. At that moment, it was my turn to be in the role. I knew I was not alone, for I'm not the first.

There is victim under the name of LOVE.

I am praying so loud, god are u listening? With my heart and soul, I exchange for happiness until eternity.

Wassup wid "relationship"

2004-11-05T02:05:00.000+08:00

Honesty. That's one of the basic in a relationship bet. couples & friends. I'm really glad WKH said those things to me and gave me options. However, he's a bit pushy with his question. Sometimes, I really cant figure out what to answer him back.

All of the sudden, a thought flashed across my mind. What's so special about relationship that u wanted it so much? I'm getting nervous, I don't know the answer. I just want to rely on someone emotionally but not over dependent!

unfortunately, I grew up in a conservative family, my thoughts are not so open for a relationship. Due to family influence, a relationship supposedly to be innocent as much as I expected from the other halve. One day, WKH said somethng that really hurts me. in some way, I could be not innocent, but generalize me has disappointed me.

If there's a chance that we got back together, I really dont want to start where we left but all over again. Some bad memories had been imprinted in mind, cant be erased easily. This is because WHK always reminded me what I dont want to remb. It's quite saddening, isnt it? Up to this point, I really unsure of such *love issue*. This mind exhuastin n physically challenging (yet to be) game.

Well, it's really simple answering his question: there is yes or no. Whichever I choose, I trying not to regret it for I'm too young. Please forgive me, for my ignorance!

p.s. true love lasts a lifetime

[ a lover might not lasts but a fren do - - - *neelej* shall be a friend only from this moment onwards ]

runnin out of time

2004-10-31T23:15:00.000+08:00

I think I left 24hr, I know u might thnk that I'm hvin calculation problem but I'm not. I have exactly 24 hr to complete my social studies & to start missin sumbody...

hehehe... Geez I'm feeling cheeky right now. Self entertaining, i see. Let's see what I have here... 1985 by Bowling for soup. Nice song. Alright, WKH is setting off tomorrow morning. I'm wishing him all the best... as much as I'm saying it to myself. Yes, that's the spirit because TUE is coming so soon. It's my first paper. If I didnt do well for my humanities, I will not go JC. I have to prepare a back-up plan. *sounds tough*

Okay, I knew who *neelej* likes and I knew how she looks like. It's disappointing, nonetheless be dishearting. Everyone has their love, loving someone need not necessarily be together and live happily ever after. I might like him, I know it's impossible to be together. I'm fine, seriously.

hey, have u heard about the lastest? I'm Nich's angel & a devil. I knew what u people out there thinking. I'm not his stead neither a sex partner because I memtioned of the DEVIL. Geez u guys are there are so sickening. Can't be bothered.

I started to fear about O lvl, I wonder if I'm doing fine.

p.s. Let's hit the dance floor and start rockin thru' this O lvl thngy. *singing* we are the champion.....

p.p.s I can't believe it, WKH is leaving s'pore till MARCH. I might not be able to see him easily now. Gotta *cherish* this fren.

[ so near yet so far, I cant reach out to u but I will hang on ]

where have simple love gone?

2004-10-28T19:26:00.000+08:00

heya, I watched "wo de ye man shi jie" with cherie @ home todae. It was a touchin love story with a touch of hilarious moves. Never mind about the show, but I love those kind of guys who will stand by his girl always. He is someone who is true to his words.

I met many people in my 16 years on Earth. I knew many good friends and saw many Mr Right. My heart should accommodate one Mr special Right. However, I can't decide who I should go to. If I'm with this "Mr A", there will be a "Mr B" who seem much better. If thing went wrong with Mr A, I have lost Mr B already. It's really a tough choice. That's could be the lack of confidence in relationship. Thus, what's the point of having a few guy falling head over heels for u @ e same time.

I would rather... *imagine*
got the Mr Right, no temptation because he's the only who love me and I love him... isnt it the same as "wo de ye man nu you * shi jie" there will be only one! No matter life or death, u are still remembered. I want it that way, someone who could accept me and be with me.

Still, it's just a movie with made up scenerio - - - be realistic. I know is tough. I know *neelej* didnt forget about me, he msged me last night. I truly miss him - - - I guessed I do. I also began to realise I was not meant to be his, this one sided love of mine has slowly transformed to a likeness for him. He's someone I could LIKE but not LOVE!

I believe GOD will send the Mr Special Right to me... someday and I am waiting

[ I would bury this love, continue my liking for you than to hear u say I dont love u. ]

p.s. I'm missing many things arnd me - - - fond memories of my life

The LAST LAP in UNITY

2004-10-23T18:41:00.000+08:00

I'm no longer an unitian - - - Missin' u peeps alr

The 1st moment I wanted to cry, but the feeling was not there. Maybe I was feeling numbed or things just happened too fast that I'm graduated yesterday night. I need time to adjust my mood. I realized I do care about everything around. I will miss those people --- I called "friends". To my surprise, I ended up now [evening] when I d/l e photos into my computer. Altho' it doesnt have all e photo of everyone I knew, the feeling is there now.

The real moment I wanted to cry, was upon hearing "Yean Choi" name from Yee Leng during dinner. I tried so hard to cover it up or esle Wei Ling, Sandra, Alex & Yee Leng will start consoling and think of her. Especially, we were so near her place. Well, she almost graduate yesterday with us. What's left inside our minds are memories of happy times and our class photo. I miss her so much and I know Yuan Ee and gang felt the same way too. She almost make it!!!

The whole ceremony was indescrible, our mood went high and low, from joy, awkward to saddening farewell. There's so much we wanted to say to our teachers for being there. I really don't want to disappoint them. I really want to do well for O's. I hate myself from panicking and I sweared this shall not happen again!

After 4years, I finally received my 1st medal from Unity. This concluded my disappointment all these while. From losing annual shooting com and running in 4th in every race were depressing. The pressure was high during the com. and the efforts was drained. This medal altho was craved "VIP" award, in my heart it is more than that.

For the first time, I felt that I did learn something out from this school. The value they taught us, I will bring it forward. This reminded me that I had wasted my 6 years in primary school. I really hope to start all over again --- in my next life time. To be a better and happier someone. Also, to have met my best friends again all from 48!!! maybe kick away some guys! *giggleS*

p.s Now I have no regret for not earning a medal, altho' it's not a national honor but the effort was regonised! Thank you so much.

pressure knockin' on my door

2004-10-18T17:59:00.000+08:00

It's a shame. It's a fear. It's a disappointment. It's a hope I have lost. I have let myself down. I never felt this way since I lost every range for the past 3 yrs. I pinned my hope so high, it crashed the ground so hard that it scattered!

Yes. I have improved! It's good but I'm not contented. How could you ever felt contented that u didnt fulfil your target? It's a shame that I tried but I failed. It's a fear that I could do it but I missed it. My hope is as vulnerable as a glass heart. I'm so sorry to myself that I didnt keep up the promise I said to myself.

My parents are not blaming me, they encouraged me. That's the pressure. Their understanding made me guilty, my brother "not-so-bad" result made me envious. He's my role model, he's my brother, naturally I wanna be as gd as him. I'm trying. I knew I could that if I try much more harder, this little improvement will be tremendous!

Regardless, what I have obtained today, it's e time to give off my best shot - O LVL.

first thing first, have a gd rest! = ) *winK*

Everytime am down, *neelej* happened to be there supporting me mentally. am really grateful to have know him. I'm trying to be fair here, my "family" like sandra n gang to yet gang, I'm really thankful.

p.s. THat's what friends for? To go thru thick n thin, envious but no jealousy and covering each other's BACK! *geeZ*

p.p.s I'm truly a girl, gosh, I'm gd at crying n screaming, didnt u ppl realize?

[dazin thru daes w/o u. - I like *neelej* more than WKH I thot. But *neelej* is a friend I wanna have for a long time]

Fairy God"mother:"

2004-10-06T11:29:00.000+08:00

It's almost 5days since I contacted *neelej*. Everytime I thought of giving him up, he would appeared from nowhere. Especially, when I need bits of love and care from someone I really like. He's there for me by default. I wonder if it's fate/telepathy but it's seem to be a fairy tale. If I am upset, he illustrated a fairy god mother who would show up and console me. There he's today when I felt sick. The pain was unbearable, I tried to tolerate and I was in pain for 19hrs since last night. I have too much gastric juice in my stomach. Yet Wei even suggested eating soap to neutralise my acidic stomach. *Geez*

*neelej* is somehow unhappy with the girl he likes. He said, "What's the use of treating her nice? Treating me like her servent. She's taking things for granted" I knew it's kind of sad to hear that from him. I wonder should he counts himself lucky or whatever. He always seem to know my needs but I'm disappointed that I hardly know his.

If you like someone, sometimes certain things are overlooked. In my case, I guessed I did overlook as I fell into unconscious happiness. He know about me could means he's treating me as a friend. Let's not be greedy at this critical moment (when O's is ard e corner), I'm contented he's still my friend. The least I am doing for him is to listen to him whenever he needs someone to.

[Thanks for being there when we needed each other, your encouragment is truly appreciated]

p.s. Why bio and social clashed? Stupid school man!

p.p.s Why did those JCs I want to visit falls on e same day? *very funny*

p.p.p.s Trying too hard not to "laugh", *ouch...* my stomach!

"Stupid" boy(s)

2004-09-30T12:09:00.000+08:00

I feel like slapping LWS if he's talking to me face to face earlier on. How could he made fun of people who have suicided! Not as if he doesnt know about YC. I'm really disappointed about him, I have ignored him. He knew I'm angry and he apologized but I simply can't accept it. YC is not forgotten, I still remember her smiles and all the nice things she did for us. Esp her bdae has just over, the memories of her was brought even closer to our mind! The pain lives in us won't go away, not so soon I believed.

I told *neelej*, he don't mind slapping him for me. I knew he's trying to take this chance to vent his anger on him. He hates/dislikes/despises LWS? Whichever it is... I can't be bothered about him anymore! *neelej* told me that his friend betrayed him & forwarded a "I Love U" msg to her using his phone. I guessed he panicked and assured her it's a prank. He might have let go of her. I knew he's upset about it otherwise his nick wouldn't be "u all r not me, none of u understand how I feel". I concluded that b'coz it hasnt changed his nick for half a year!

He just love saying I'm wasting my time, he's always disturbing me about the choices I made. I can't always follow his way of thinking or what he wants me to do. It's so weird, isnt it? He's not even my bf! Ha! Precisely the case! Why so upset about my decision?

JC is not a waste of time, is a sch of appreciating memorizing art! how could he say is STUPID & my bet is STUPID! He lacks of motivation, it must be! He said that was stupidity. Oh my god, he's really getting on my nerves. I don't see anything good on Electrical stuffs! *blehx* I could foretell he will be electified! Ha! Mean* That's my second name!

"How would I know" (*neelej*) to "Who am I to u to..." (me!) doesnt he knows he's playing around with my feelings? It's a form of giving out wrong signal to me? he said he treats everybody the same... I'm not sure and I can't be bothered for now. Well, studies first! *smilex*

[I'm glad I wasn't forgotten, either did u. I appreciate everyone, even they have gone - cherish them while u can...]

p.s. *neelej* as a NCC CLT, u better wake up from ya idea & stop saying stupid. That's must be ya second name. STUPID BOY! *heex*

keep on shakin; sex bomb

2004-09-29T11:01:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it, the school is publicly showing us *EXPOSED* dancing using a super sissy dancer instructor! The dancers are equally professional as BAR TOP DANCER. It's amazing to watch the whole programme today. Seriously, it's not to be missed event of the year. They are SEXBOMB man! THe instructor consistently expressed himself in his female tie & making funny *disgusting* sounds.

He's fit, he's small in size, he's strong and he has a perfect posture of a lady! No doubt, he has stolen the limelight during the entire assembly. He got everybody "high* in the mood and non-stop laughters. It's totally hard to describe it. You have to watch it yourself. I must admit I was going wild earlier on. How I wish I could danced with them, so funny...

Nevertheless, today I will still include *neelej*!!! Simply can't forget him easily after many months of *wishful thinking* on my part. Well, Prelim Eng is on this fri, hopefully I will done better than last time. I know I did badly for oral which was unbelievable! Oh my god~! Lalala... Hoping daddy & mummy or h2O who knew this site could add comment. You girls are my guidance, sparkle like stars too. Love u peeps!

different degree of needs

2004-09-28T14:33:00.000+08:00

I wasnt really happy actually although my msges might sound like I am! *neelej* went out with THAT GIRL to a movie (Yes. only 2). no doubts at all, I'm envious. (Jealousy is rather negative). I still wish him all the best to woo THAT GIRL. But he insisted it was over, they shall be friends forever. (Forever is a lie).

I can't imagine if he's watching an action-packed movie (Jackie Chan!) while LOOKING at HER drooling. Well, it's understandable that he looked at her not drooled over her. *heex* that would be funny man. I asked if he did, he didnt but was enjoying both the movie & her. What a greeeeeeeeedy boy, trying to make his money worthwhile. That's so cute~! (ok it's funny and it's outrageous but not cute to u peeps outta)

I'm really glad that I have many good friends by my side when I'm having heartache. ICB is jealous that *neelej* is lucky to have somebody liking him so much. ICB loves CL and he's going crazy over her. *heex* However, heartache & loneliness are not what friends are able to provide or to fill it up. It's a different kind of needs. But I'm still glad to have that from them esp from Mummy & Daddy.

[ If I confess to you one day, I might not like you anymore. You might started liking me but you have missed the chance then. ]

p.s. I have decided after CLT COZ (15 Dec 2004) if he's not attached, I will confess!

That's your worries!?

2004-09-27T05:43:00.000+08:00

I knew he would reply me next thing in e mornz. He didnt want to tell her because he isnt sure if it's one sided loving on his part. It wasnt the first time he's facing such a dilemma. I found out from him that this girl is 2 years older than HIM! They were from the same club. That's explain why he knew her. I guessed he must be a quiet guy in reality except to the guys. Privately, we click off well actually.

He wasnt determined in loving the girl, he was soft & weak in regards to heart matters. He said, "it was over." From that moment, I knew he has reluctantly gave up on her. It also reminds me of my lacking courage.

Well, I knew I wasnt the type of girl he would go for, I shouldnt force myself to confess to him. Especially at this moment which is a critical time for me. I wish him happiness secretly altho' I wanted him so much. It must be infatuation! It must be that way!

Until now, I knew he prefers girls to have long hair (I always wanted my long hair back), lady-like (I'm never rough except NCC forced me to) & blah blah. Honestly, I like myself more than anyone esle. I knew who I am, not what people want me to be. I think I should try forgetting him...

p.s. Let fate decides who shall be the one for me!

[ so much for my happy ending... ]

We're Idiots

2004-09-26T14:59:00.000+08:00

*neelej* told me he likes someone, He thought that their relationship won't worked out. She's well-off & he didn't tell her he likes her. *neelej* started liking her recently and his friends knew.

He just felt depressed because (as usual, I guessed) the girl he likes, he just couldnt be with them. That reminds of me, the tiniest girl in the world that *neelej* has forgotten her existance. It has been 4 days since he msged me. At last, he's onlined.

A simple "hi" & "how's life" are not what I need. I need some affection from U (yes, *neelej*) I simply replied, "I thought that you have forgotten me..." I knew he didnt otherwise he won't msg me out of the others. You may call me *greedy*, at this moment I felt I'm losing this pillar of strength. The one who's giving emotional support to me. I knew I can't sleep tonight, I'm suffocated by this doubt.

A doubt that why I didnt have the courage to tell him, why am I giving up? Is it better off being friends? I knew no future of us, I knew we could be friends - forever (If u call that). I'm utterly disappointed with myself. In the end, I'm afraid of losing him.

There's a list of things I don't know about him. He's not bothered to tell me too. One thing for sure, we are idiots of love. Maybe one day we should purchase the lOve idiots' bookguide!

I had a same thought as Sandra, to msg him & console him. It's a chance for me but... She meant well, I knew that. Greenie gone as the wind (to TAI? I don't know.) Ming Yang ( I related sitaution only - *neelej* identity is protected) suggested be determined, be strong to face reality! I'm not confused, I'm just a coward of love.

You maybe have came up a conclusion, a crazy girl in the world who felt so small about love. A selfish or a greedy girl who has a crush on *neelej*, is begging for more affection.

p.s. hasnt he realised I'm there for him - always (didn't I!?) At this moment of time (11:40pm), I knew *neelej* wouldn't read my msg. hoping he's fine.

[ To have the same person u like liking u is rare. To have the same person knowin ya feeling is hard to come by. Reality is cruel! ]

Practical Results

2004-09-24T13:13:00.000+08:00

Well, the school is sure efficient at times. Today I have gotten back two practical results except pure biology.

DnT practical/project (O lvl) - 84/120 (not yet moderate) = 70% A2
Pure Physics Practical (Prelim) - 21/30 = 70% A2

I was on my way home with Hannah when we saw a group of malay boys who hit Kevin. I wanted to go over & say, "Well Done!" They really are, my idols! After knowing my practical results, I'm more determined to score better for my theory. *praying* & *trying*... *hopefully* I made it to top 6 JC!

*icE-creAm bOy* kinda pissed off coz he screwed his practical! *Oops*

[*neelej* is pronouced DEAD as of today... stop makin me missin u so much]

Retribution

2004-09-23T11:06:00.000+08:00

I had a wonderful recess today. It's the best time of my life so far! Kevin Ng was beaten up at the cafeteria! 1 against 3+ peeps. Totally cool! He deserved all those punches & kicks. He irritated alot of us esp the girls & the teachers. Although he might have done well in his studies.

Almsot everyone was happy at this incident. It seem nobody likes him, thus nobody help him when he's in need. We just stared at him, continue where we stopped & laughing at him. How I wish those boys have use more force!

3 cheers to the malay gang!!!!!

[stUpid *neelej* always makes me angry - arghz]

Older but childish

2004-09-22T07:50:00.000+08:00

I think that songs sang & written by F.I.R does bring up the atmosphere. Especially, guang mang: wo men de ai: u make me want to fall in love: ni de wei xiao. If I were sitting at a quiet spot of the beach. I would love to rock my world by singing the song loudly and watch the time goes by. It's a form of destress. Watching waves after waves & people playing by the seaside. Wow... Cycling isnt a bad choice either!

*neelej* sms-ed me this morning, since I have nothing to do after filling the form during P.E. I replied his msg and his reply was that LWS seem to care alot about me, he giggled and exclaimed that I replied fast. To play along with this cheeky boy, I decided to sms him after school.

He replied fast too, but sounded sarcastic coz his lecture ended at 1pm while mine at 2:15pm. What the heck! He went on to memtion about LWS. He said he was unlucky to meet him but LWS was lucky to see him. Oh man, *neelej* is totally no shame. I tried to disturb him and said, "wow, u r unlucky to meet someone who's as irritating as u right?" I guessed that really annoyed him. Well, it has been few hour later, he hasnt replied my sms. It wasnt my fault, he started it first.

[I really hope to complete my secondary education with flying colours & head towards a better tertiary education!]

p.s. *neelej* behaves like a little boy at times. *cUte*

Cool 'bout it

2004-09-21T13:10:00.000+08:00

Oh ya, I been selected to receive VIP (value-improved pupil) award under Geography/SS category for my class. What an honoured! It has been 2years ago since I receive the award for Literature. *heex*

This morning I sms-ed *neelej* for his blessing for my practical. He was so cheeky - as usual. His attitude is much of a perfect boyfriend that u could play around & talk with. Oh boy, when can he be mine? Gosh, I behave like a ... desperate old woman. *heex* c'mon, my mummy (sandra) adores me. I love her lots too.

I can't imagine days without my gd friends with me. Life will be so dead. We (sandra, WeiLing, Jie Ying n I) went to rent a horror movie. Jie Ying & I were crazy, we don't even dare to watch half of the movie screened. *heeX* it was fun afterall.

*ice-cREam bOy* asked alot of funny qns abt, "what do u think if I like this & that", "Do u think they are compatible?", "what do u think of her?" & so on... I'm getting suspicious of his qnsing. *heex* Gotta find out!

[*neelej* I didnt mean what I say to myself that I dont love u. I hope one day I will be able to have e courage to tell u so.]

Message that's so strong

2004-09-20T11:27:00.000+08:00

I'm listening to "She will be loved" by Maroon 5 now. All of the sudden, it reminds me of the message I received from *neelej*. The signal was so strong that he will never like NCC girl bcos' they are not like women. That really disappointed me alot. He has condemned that all girls in NCC are one of the kind.

"She will be loved", I don't feel love at all. Who am I to him? A junior? A friend? A crush? or nobody esle?

If u really dislike that kind of girl please stop bugging or play around with her feelings. give it a stop, alright. Maybe i'm just playing along as well. I can't be sure. If u don't like it, get a life and freak out! I cant' be bothered, at least not this moment.

But I felt heartache even when I'm saying this to myself. Am I really fallen in love with him? I can't think much about it. It's outta control boy!

[*neelej* stop makin me angry anymore!!!!!]

Voluntary tuition teacher!?

2004-09-16T11:11:00.000+08:00

I have hired a pte tutor ytd night. She's Kelly, currently 20 odds, working & teaches math. Well, she doesnt charge high and it's affordable. She's Huiru's neighbour cum tutor too.

Not long ago, I break the news to *neelej*. He was concerned and asked which subject have I seeked help. I told him it was Maths (mor of differentiation & Integration). He said he could help me in that area. I went on saying that I thought of giving up Physics but if I could score in my practical, theory shouldnt be a problem. Again, he offered his help.

He scored well in both area. An A2 for Emath, B3 for Amath & a B3 for Physics. I was joking that he was bright and did very well. He sounded firm with his word. He replied," I trying to be kind to offer my help. I am good at both area. Do u need help?"

I was stunned at his decision. I knew I wanted to see him so much but right now there's no time or space for love. I hope our friendship could maintain (it has been 3mths since RIKE). I wanted to focus thoroghly on my studies and excel. I know I could, I am trying hard.

Maybe I should end here, spend quite a few moment loitering about the internet!! *heex*

[ THanks for the help u wanted to give so much. I hope u felt the same way that I miss u too!]

p.s. Friday going Lot 1 shopping for clothes with Greenie!

Sweetness do spice up singlehood

2004-09-14T10:29:00.000+08:00

Who says that enjoying singlehood has to be clubbing and hang out late into the night? It might be true but partially it is otherwise. In my point of view, sweetness do spice up singlehood. Especially coming for those u love/cherishe... it seem that love is breaking into control. *heeX*

Sweet Case No.1 - MusIc rOcks... (FreNx OnlY)

SMY is such a sweetie & straight guy? Ha! I think so. He's really into mUsic industry, just name him e song u wanna. He sure be able to send u one. In reality, he's a polite & quiet fellow but he can be tough at times. If u teased him & compliment him in MSN, he seem to be over the heels. It's near 12mm & he's sleepy. But he was sending me a few songs over. That's what he said, "nvm, it's ok. I will sleep after finish sending u those songs." *sMilex* Totally sweet!!!

Sweet Case no.2 - sMs rOcks (sUper-crUsh)

A simple msg that starts off e sMs-cOnversatiOn. It maybe a shOrt 6 msg bUt it seem to be alot. I enjoy reading this particular msg. "If u want to bully me, don't make it sound so obvious. hehehe, that was not what I meant. Later I miss u this cute & adorable girl how?"

that was not what I meant <- referred to e previous msg I sent *neelej*. He msged, " y always I never disturb u, u must disturb me 1st? u very disturbing..." I joked that I will never send him msg again. But I can't bear to do so. THat's how the "if u want to bully..." came abt. *heex* We are both cheeky!

Tml is the Pure Physics Prelim Practical. I am nervous but hope for the best to happen!!! I should believe in myself. *sMilEx*

[Twinkle, Twinkle little stars, did u see those 2 sparkling stars together? They're in love!!! ]

p.s. wanna be inseparated from your love & care! *Oops*

What I wanted?

2004-09-11T09:56:00.000+08:00

Recently, I been thnking thru' things about my life. I tried asking myself what I want to achieve in life? Prehaps what I want now. It's such a hard question to answer

Love:
Maybe I should not give up *neelej* neither I should presist with WKH. If fate allows, eventually I would get someone who love me. THere's no hurry to it.

Academic:
I think I shld make it a point that getting to TOP 6 JC would not be ez, if I determine not to go. I hope to get into National JC but I have to work very hard which I am not currently. Look at the rate I am going, definately can't make it. I tried. I swear I will try no matter how tough it is. This shall be my very 1st commitment in life.

Others:
Whether to go 48th CLT course, I have not deicde. I seem to be caught in a dilemma. I am not sure what is hindering me from making a decision. THere's a feeling - FEAR. What exactly am I afraid of.

It has been so long since I last heard about Wendy. If not for Kun Lin, I wouldnt have knew She & Eugene are together. I wouldnt have thot of the past. Everythng about her haunted me. I want to get rid of her out from my mind.

Lastly, Physics Prelim Practical is around the corner or just 4 days time. I hope I have done enough preparation. May god be with me. *wInK* Be confidence & stay calm. Self Motivation Self Discipline. I should start todae. Reivse!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss *neelej* alot, thot he wouldnt msg me but he did. Hope to see him soon. Hope my wish to top 6 JC shall come true (at least 1st 3 mth) n less den 12 pts fer L1R5 (both prelim & O lvl) !!!! Trying my very best.

fine line between faith 'n' desire

2004-09-02T14:00:00.000+08:00

What's faith? Things u believed in? What about desire? Things u wanted? But there's a fine line seperating them. When "faith" overtook "desire", u are some how taking dreams into reality. Whilst "desire" overtook "faith", things just turned out WRONG! It's totally horrible. That's my conclusion. I can't see NEUTRAL stand here. How could it possibly that "faith" & "desire" co-exist? Maybe I could be enlightened if somebody argue that qns.

My faith is to be with *neelej*, I thought my heart is all with him. But my desire tells me I need WKH, because I'm addicted to him. Let's imagine, if WKH & I really patched up, I will be complacent. I will start questioning myself - Do u need him? Do u love him? Maybe, I still can't let go our past. What's done, what's hurt are rooted in our heart. No way we going start afresh.

What if I am with *neelej*, life can never be more exciting with him arnd. We supported each other emotionally. I guess we make good company for each other. When I look into mirror, the smile on my face is telling me - Happiness is not far away...

Compared with situation 1 & 2, which one do u prefer to be in it? Obviously, is 2 rite? Do u seriously wanted to tie down by someone, exchanging it with your freedom? I mean is it worth to suffer when u thought u can make thngs right again?

I think it will be best to leave all these doubts answered at the end of O's. At that pt of time, I will be free from SCH-STRESS. *hOoray* If I found e right guy, I will be committed to him & definately fend off all rumour. Rumours might tear us apart! Love conquers all, dont u know? hehe...

[ If I said to u, "I been unfaithful to u." Please dont be angry. In a relationship, shldnt we be honest with each other? - Just Kidding ]

Addictive drunker?

2004-08-30T08:42:00.000+08:00

I can't fully describe how it feel like or sumthing. I think we are both into each other again? He, known as WKH was my 1st boyfriend.

When we were both alone in the cab, with an inexperience driver. Why did I lean on his shoulder when I was tired but felt safe? Why did I hold his arm tightly when he fell onto me while the driver make a sudden turn? Why was I so afraid and worried for him when we almost meet a car accident? Why did he hesitate when the driver think I'm his gf? Why did he always assure me everything is okay?

When we were lost in Clark Quay. Several times he tried to hold my hand but hesitated. He puts his arm around my hip but let go after few second. Have he forgotten we are no longer together? Why did he always assure me everything is okay?

At the Boat Quay. Maybe it's crowded that's why he sat very near me. Why did we always whisper in front of the gang? Is it too noisy there at the pub? Why did he jealous when Chuan Bao is talking to me? Why did he feel disappointed when I ignore him? He drank a glass of beer then.

On my way home. Is it true that every guy will share their concern to any girl they see? Msg them concern and blessing? Why did he msg me? Why did he always have to make me feel jealous of him?

Backed @ home. Why did he insist we should have a talk over the phone? Why did he say he cherish his relationship? Why did he say if we could be together? Why did he think it is fate that we meet today? Why did he say he feel pain when I am not okay? Why did he feel happy when his friend question our relationship? Why did he feel proud but unhappy when his friends admire me that evening?

Before he drink and after he drank, what is the difference of his meaning? Could he be drunk? It's a large glass of beer tho.

I felt unfaithful to *neelej* tho' we aint together. I'm truly sorry.

NCC Day Dinner 2004

2004-08-30T05:11:00.000+08:00

Ytd was the NCC Day Dinner consists of award presentation & dinner I was invited to this formal dinner. I put on light make up, wear a white spagetti top and a pink flora print skirt. I am totally satisfied with my appeal & full of confidence. Compare with the prom we had earlier.

When I stepped into the grand ballroom, what laid in front of my eyes was astonished! Everyone was dressed up in their best - exactly like prom. My semi formal style makes me looked unique instead of casually dressed. I was proud of my insight for such fashion sense. I felt honoured to be ushered by LTC Yip to my table. It never cross my mind that the guys could be so charming.

The beginning of the dinner was boring until the PHS clts opening up to everyone of us ard the table. We played *Number Extreme* the only 2 who always *kena* were Xin Ren (ate 2 eyeballs) & Sebast (flesh of fish-head). It was gross!

Throughout the whole event, we (Derrick, Wilson) can't stop disturbing Sebast for his slow reponse and funny expression. It was fun. After that, I saw many of my (AIR) seniors. THey were surprised to catch me there. I took picture with them (mostly guys - dunno why is that so) Mr Hooi's presence really scared me. Derrick & his gang were weirdo.

After the dinner, I tagged along with Angie and gang to Boat Quay. They each got themselves a drink except for me. Not only that I'm underaged, I cant drink too. *giggle* I really enjoyed myself that day!

List of peeps I saw:
(AIR) - Maz (NCC OIC), Nisa, Khairulizah, Hazariah, Zulaika, Rena, Hui Xia, Angie, Kian Yup, Ian, Kin Wai, John, Sean P, Chuan Bao, Bertrum, Zeng Zhao, Ying Yi, Victor, Ali, Richard, Taufiq, Mr Hooi, Erwin, Pi Xiang, Maj Lee (Mr Lee) & some I can't seem to remember

(SEA) - Xin Ren, Nicholas, Derrick, Adeline, Wilson, Warren, Sean, MAJ Lee Wing Ying, LTC YIp, CS Lim TT & some juniors whom I duno their names.

(LAND) - (West) Daniel, RIKE Juniors from Jurong West Sec, (Central) Jason, Jing Yi & friend and some more...

(HQ STAFF) - W/O Thomas, SGT Shafiq, SGT Benny & more...

The list of name just go on n on then...

Never have I felt this way....

2004-08-20T01:48:00.000+08:00

It was my first time to feel so frightened and lonely. My mind was blanked, I could heard my heartbeat beating fast as tho' it was running a race. I was lonely, I was waiting for his reply. He didn't promise me he would reply but I knew he would sooner or later. He never seem to hide how he feels about certain matters.

The day before, he told me he was suspended from his usual work: Lifesaver. I knew he felt bad and was disappointed. He didn't accept the fact he was... Instead he gathered his supporters and decided to negotiate with the lady who might be root of the cause. I believed he wanted her to spit out the truth.

He confronted her, and she claimed that she wasn't involved. I thought that he was enjoying such "attention". Anyway, I have nothing to say about it. I wasn't in my best mood recently. I felt really horrible. I began to think I am a sore loser. He told me to be optimistic. I tried, but I couldn't temporarily. Perhaps I need some time to think about it.

I failed to keep up my promise to revise regularly at least 1/1/2hr daily, and I was tired. I need a break. I watch lesser tv show and revise more than I ever did so far. Altho' it may not be a few hr of non stop studying. I believed I can do it and what I lacking is confidence. Hopefully, some time sooner I be able to regain my usual confidence. Esp. like those I had durin O'lvl oral.

All I wanted to conclude from that was: You'll be surprised how well you have presented yourself or done when efforts paid off.

I am telling myself strongly that: I CAN DO IT. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO START WORKING HARD. I'M DOING IT FOR MYSELF NOT FOR ANYONE.

This moment, I cried.

Black Fridae indeed

2004-08-14T13:45:00.000+08:00

The blog *ate up* my lastest entry of the day. Currently I am re-typing it. Not intendin to repeat what I have written earlier on. Getting really sick of it, if it happens again.

13th falls on fridae thus it's a black fridae. Usally my bdae do falls on fridae or good fridae. If u dont know yet, my bdae is on 13th April. I may be a jinx or somethng. People out there better beware of me.

I was saying earlier that I'm not in my usual self todae. I felt like I was pretending to be OKAY that I am not so. This may be due to ytd released of MT result. Whichever the case, forget abt it man.

*neelej* didnt feel good either. It's regarding about ytd trng issue. Well he called me just now. We didnt talk very long on the phone but I was contented to hear his dying voice. hehe...

Now, I do have a really bad attitude is that, I hate MT. IOt affected me badly in some sense. Not to forget, the adding stress from the sch. Sighz.

Try to smile girl. I know u can do. = ] *griNz* show off ya pearly white tooth. THat's rite. = D

I do afraid that I'm falling in love. Not at the moment for especially when my major exams are ard the corners. All I wanted to do is to ACE MY O LVL.

Hopefully at the end of the exam. Effort and luck do paid off. I shall be a good from now onwards in order to create miracle happens. STRESS? Let's be friend~

[If I could say just one thng to the guy I love, there will be WE. In WE, there's so much thng we can do and learn together.]

p.s. CHINESE SUX

the day i felt lost...

2004-08-13T13:06:00.000+08:00

Am I lost or I am lost in my own world? Everyone knew it was a fact that we cant changed the sch policy and the result released todae. All I could said was that,"I am contented but I'm not satified!" It's 2 grades below my standard and expectation. It's atrocious, I shld get the better.

B3 is not my destiny for MT O LVL. A distinction for oral was what I wanted. Which ever the case was... I am disappointed. I am upset. I felt stressful. Why did I have so many subject to cope with? All these questions just popped into my head.

I have edited my priority and target setting. I maybe ridiculous I trying very hard to achieve it. Even it doesnt achieve by the end of O lvl. At least I tried to work towards the goal.

Priority Grade
ENGLISH B3
BIOLOGY A2
E-MATH A2
HUMANITIES A2
DNT A2
PHYSICS B3
A-MATH B4
CHINESE B3

wadever.wadever.wadever. so long i tried so long i tried so long wadever shit i am doing. I wanna to do what I never achieved b4 - to be the best that we can be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ I believed If i can achieve my dream my expectations so much that it will come true If i wanted it badly enough.]

Thanks *neelej* fer being there for me. He's always ther when i needed someone. What more can I ask frm a friend that i like? THanks god for given me someone like him.

my illusion, my desire.

2004-08-08T01:40:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of him last nite. I dreamt that he was with me. We were walking down this beautiful place, with our children holding our hands. We went to a nearby playground, watching our child having fun. Suddenly, he gave me a hug and a kiss on the lips. He said, "thanks, dear. For everything u hv done for me." I was surprised and was touched by his words. That was a very sweet thing to do.

Backed at home, he started playing piano... the melody was light hearted. I felt the warmth coming from his tunes and this home we created with our hands. It is our future together with our adorable children. Each night, he never failed to tuck them to sleep, talk to me... enjoying our world... understand what we have been thru' each day. I saw that our love was ever lasting...

He was working really hard in his career, he's not the sole breadwinner... but he's trying to give us all he could afford. We were practical, we knew what we wanted in our life. I was glad to have such a hubby.

during weekend, he brought us to swimming complex. He was teaching our 4yr old son swimming. He was a gd swimmer himself. Yes, he play gd piano too. What a talented man I hv got. We enjoyed ourselves there... we even planned to go to the beach next week...

Time really flies... it was our 10th wedding anniversary, he brought me to a special place, instead of the usual place. We went to a pub... yes we were clubbing. He snatched the microphone, shouted across the dancefloor. He shouted, " I love u,dear. Happy 10th anniversay. Love me forever will u? bcoz I will to u." I burst into tears, there wasnt any words to decribe my joy.

My love with him... juz continue..... I duno the ending.. but i know it will be a happy ending. May it will come true...

Back to reality, he msg me all of the sudden... really miss him lately. He was bz. I was surprised when he sae he just came back from piano lesson. I knew he took piano lesson.. but didnt know he's still taking it now. Thot he learnt it when he was a child. Well.. he isnt that old to learn sumthing.. so... wadever. Feel like luffing at him.. but.. cant bear to. hehe..

the dream... the illusion..may become reality...

If we like each other.. n fate allows it... Love is definately worth the wait.

National Day 2004

2004-08-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

I havent been consistently writing in my entry. Well, now I trying my best to make it up.

I must stress that I really enjoyed myself this day in sch. I danced with my peers n ncc juniors. We sang n we danced. exactly like the year before but more FUN instead. I really going to miss these old days I had in unity ncc.

I will remember... should one day i forget abt unity ncc... it will be a regret in my life. In these 4 years, we been thru thick n thin, ups and downs... not to forget what we had learnt in our journey in UNITY SEC. We might not like that place, but it sure leave behind us a series of great memories to remember with for the rest of our life.

I hope this beautiful day will not be the last in life. I believe one day... it will still be carrying on...

I simply love unity ncc...

Counsellin or Bullshittin

2004-07-24T13:11:00.000+08:00

It wasn't a gd way of starting the day. To gather the class in Learning Centre, explaining the rational of locking up Kai Wei and her problems in a simplified way.

However, the speech made by the principal this morning was terribled. he exaggerated the situation. He's trying to scared the kids. We knew, we knew... we were angry too.

Their speeches of advices for us, lectures held for us, endless interuptions during classes... all these were because of Kai Wei and not too long ago, Yean choi. We received talks from P, VP, Guidance Officer, Mrs Kua n so on... What a combo.

It's a sch crisis to actually have this problem. Nonetheless, these problems doesnt come from school, it consists of family factor and social factor. We understood how hard the school is trying to ensure everyone in the school is safe and hopefully minimize the no. of affected student. *bullshit* That's ya problem.

All I wanted now is to concentrate in my studies. I want to give my best shot, excel in O's n going to somewhere I longed for. This day shall not be long.

I enjoyed today's peer tutoring lesson. I find it to be really fun. I really like studying nowadays. We (Wei Ling n I) saw Serena gay fren. He looked like Xue Pin. So sissy. haha...

*neelej* msged me today. He knew am better so he asked abt somethng esle instead. How thoughtful. Whatever. This guy getting lazier or more tired due to his tough trng. Which ever the case is, hope he's doing well in his academic n sports!

[ overcoming my obstacles is difficult, resisting pressure is tough, what I shld hv is determination, to conquer it 1 by 1. ]

p.s. shldnt thkn too much abt frenship. Lurve ya frenz

Cold-Hearted Day

2004-07-23T01:24:00.000+08:00

It's the 3rd day of Yean Choi death. Many of us are recovering from this sudden news. Yuan Ee was unable to handle this emotional stress. At last, she burst into tears. I felt like saying,"girl, move on..." but i can't. she was surrounded.

The next episode, focus on Kai Wei. She was totally devastated. SHe was locked up in the General Office with Hannah, Mrs Ram, Mrs Kua and others. It was horrifying. Kai Wei shaked the doors madly. We (Josephine, Yet Wei n I) were kept a distance away from the G.O. We forced to do that, so that we don't place false hope on her.

We were angry but it's beyond our control. I felt cold hearted towards this. I knew it's for her own good. But it's out of my reach to speak to her.

Yet Wei was under stressed too. We (Sandra, Alex, Wei Ling n I) decided to get her out to relax. We even took a couple of neoprints. It was fun throughtout the whole event. Especially after all these overwhelming stuffs going on lately in school.

I believed everyone, the teachers, 4/7 n 4/8 were exhausted of all these things. THose who don't feel the same are basically worst than me. THey are not sensitive to others feelings. Other than that, I rather keep it to myself. I truly cant feel anything much today. I felt lost and alone. I may need a break away from my fren.

To handle my personal emotions, than venting on others!!!!

*neelej* called but I was having dinner. It was thoughtful of him to call up and check on me again. We msged each other, I really thanks him for showering me all the care and concern I needed. At the right place during the right time.

[ The brightest starz shining tonight, must be u ,YC ]

p.s. don't why, Greenie can't seem to understand my thoughts. Cherie really hurts my feeling ytd. I wasnt harsh but was disappointed in her

First Day W/O Her

2004-07-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

First Day w/o Her
overview: trying to be strong. Life moves on...

It's the 1st day, I knew she wasnt there anymore. Suddenly memories of her flashed into my mind. I cant stop thinking of her.

What I remember of her today:
- She helped Jeslyn with her BGR problems
- She was there when I cried in class. (twice)
- She offered me tissues and comforted me.
- She never failed to smile at us.
- We went to career fair together.
- We do our project work together
- We went to her house to prepare a music project.
- She was helpful n sweet.
- She didnt complaint at all...

Today, on the way to EL band, I saw the EL band she used to be, there was an empty seat. I walked this same corridor she used to every now and then. I saw her classroom, I remb how often I saw her go pass this door with Cindy.

Most of us are trying to be happier, but it seem so hard to pretend. I knew many of them can tell from our expression. We were devastated. Our eyes swollen...

Jun Rong told me. Thru her story, he learnt 4 thngs: Face it, Accept it, Overcome it and Letting go.

He was right, life has to move on, no matter how difficult ya life faces.

* i thank *neelej* for making the effort to call me up last nite, at least twice to check out i was fine. Thanks for hanging on with me. THanks for my frenz who feeling exactly like me. Let's go thru this together.*

[ Juz wanna u to be back, alive and happier. ]

Mournin fer u...

2004-07-21T02:29:00.000+08:00

I was sick so I took a MC today. A news from a msg to my hp that going to change my life from that moment on.

My frenz, my (ex) classmate, has fell to her death ytd. I was shocked. It was unexpectable. It has been confirmed, it's a suicide case.

Lai Yean Choi, a new girl in class 2/10 (Jul 2002 onwards). A girl who managed to promote to express from NA. It's her 1st year in unity, she was from Malaysia. A soft spoken, sociable, caring and not to memtion sweet and attractive. The 1st time I met her, she was my seating partner. She's very good in CHINESE, and top the level.

THe 1st place we met for project work was CCK MRT Ctrl Station. Fancy I was late fer the 1st time. Yean Choi was patient. She waited fer an hr, no complaints. There was once a conflict, started by Kah Yin, Janet & Yean Choi cried b'coz Yean Choi topped the class in CHinese. Kah Yin was out to disturb and stir emotion in them.

Yean Choi told us, she came us b'coz her father wanted them to receive better education in conducive enivironment. He want them to realize them there's future here. Malaysia was too much of gangster for them. WE accepted her, we were friends, we chatted n we have laughters.

Finally, it's the end of sec 2, she made it to triple sci and she was close to Cindy. WE been hearing abt them.. since 2002 EOY Exam. they were close, they hang out... We knew she has changed... mixed with bad company.. but.. why... do she have to leave us THAT WAY.

it's TOO MUCH for us. All of us were so close together... even we went seperate ways. we are still friends. But why do u chose to leave us in tears? Isn't there anything worth living for? WE are here for you always. Once a fren forever a friend. It's never going to be undone. Your DEATH has scarred us, deep down in our heart. WE never going to see each other again.

There's so much thng left undone. There's so much words we yet to say. THere's so much thng we yet to show that we CARE! Why didn't u cherish us... give us just one more chance. did u THNK for us? What drives u to the extreme?

Do u know somethng? I used to thnk I wasnt committed in a friendship. I thot I wun care at all. But today, I cried for u. Will u ever realize that those who seem so distance from u, do care! WE do... but why? U left us so suddenly. You caught us unprepared.

To Yean Choi:

We always care, love and we accepted for who you are. You left us in a hurry. We respect your wish for doing it so. We forgive you for leaving us like that. you will always be remembered in our heart. Time will never crease u from our mind. You has changed our life, and loved us in return. On this day, we mourned for ya peace.

From Jamie.

*thanks Wei Ling & *neelej* for trying to cheer me up.*

[ Life's fragile and unpredictable. Once our live is scarred, it's never going to be the same. ]

First (viewed) NCC Day Parade

2004-07-19T01:32:00.000+08:00

All of the sudden, I feel like crying. The cries of happiness n regret. Why didnt I try to know them better? Go out often? It's coming to an end of my 4yrs, I doubt I will be able to leave this beautiful memories behind. For the next few mths, I will be striving for my Prelim, as well as O's. I really cant bear to leave NCC.

by the time we (CLT Kahirul, CLT Hazmi, Aein n Hui Ru) reached SAFTI-MI the parade has just started. We walked around the place whicheva our foots bring us to. I saw many of my friends n we took a few photos.

Friends I saw:
St Gab: CLT Bertram, SSG Mirza
Betty: MSG Aisha, SSG Chloe, CLT Rena
S/P: SCLT Ying Yi
ITE Clementi: CLT Angie, SCLT Tham
Zheng Hua: SSG Haz
Riverside: MSG Azim
K.C.: SSG Xiu Juan, SSG Eunice, 1SGT Li Ying, SSG Ching Lin, 1SGT Ting Xi
Maris Stella: 1SGT Xuan Sheng, SGT Jeremy, SGT Kiong
ACS Barker: SGT Lloyd, MSG Xin Ren
AES: SSG Teck Lu, MSG Xue Pin
Canberra: SGT Berdine, SGT Shi Min
Northview: SSG Huda, SSG Shamimi, 1SGT Idan, SGT & above: Adi, Henry, Erwin, Sahibul more!!!!
Others: CLT Taufiq, CLT Hui Xia, 1SGT Yvonne (RGS), 2SGT Chloe (SGCS), 2LT Warren, WO Thomas,

I will always remb that in my life, there are many ppl other den those i remb n listed above. They will always be part of my life. I lurve them all, I lurve NCC, I cant live my life w/o it. It has taugh me value lesson other than Leadership.

today, *neelej* seem to face some problem in the competition. Hope everythng going fine den. I miz him but I realize, I may not like him @ all. I thnk Time shall prove it all.

[ Future might lead us nowhere, Time may fade away our memories. But lets fate decide our destiny. ]

Hogwarts Sch of Angels of Devils

2004-07-18T02:36:00.000+08:00

Univeristy: Hogwarts School of Angels of Devils
Principal: Dr Sandra
Professor (OIC): Pro. Jamie
Discipline Mistress: Pro. Yet Wei
Top Students: Hui Yu & Wei Ling

Targeting pontential professor/s: Cheng Wei, Wei Sin (aka Chan Chan), Maureen, Hannah, Cherie, Kah Ying & Angel

Targeting talented student/s: Andrea, Hui Shan, Cai Yu, Karen, Tricia, Keh Luh, Jia Jia .....

Subjects offered:
(MAJOR) / (Prof.)
Freezology - Jamie
Suanology - Cheng Wei (subj to change)
Lamerology - Cheng Wei (subj to change)
Hornieology - Sandra (subj to change)

Double degree honor:
physicology and psychology - Jamie

Sciences:
Mental Medical Sciences - Yet Wei

Maths:
Pokenomix Maths - Maureen (subj to change)

Lang.:
ChompChomp English (aka JiaO Wei) - Hannah (subj to change)

Business:
Crazy Biz - Wei Sin (subj to change)

Elective:
Bitchieology (personal grooming) - Cherie

CCA offered:
Crapz & lamers Society

Attachment (Complusory)
Well established CO. - JaM dE brAin INC.

CEO: Pro. Jamie
Board of Director: Dr Sandra, Pro. Yet Wei ....

*neelej*? Well... let's take a break away from him. He's hving competition tmlz. *stress* Wish all the luck in the world is with him tmlz.

[ I believe in you, you shld hv faith in me. For I will not lie to u ]

p.s. Yet Wei, Sandra & Wei Ling lurve me muchie

Our Future Plans

2004-07-16T02:40:00.000+08:00

I was caught in a dilemma whether I shld go geography remedial or physics remedial. Anyway, I chose physics. It wasnt that bad after all. Initially, Sandra, Yet Wei, Wei Ling and I planned to go for movie todae. However, there was a change of plan.

there were lots of changes but it didn't really spoil our day so wad for bother abt missing the movie n pasta fer once. Life has more to offer other than going out together.

THe lessons of the day was... I shld not say boring. It's a more relax pace for revision. I thnk the teachers are trying not to stress us. Well, I really appreciate that effort. It still have to depend individual.

Altho' we mizz the movie and pasta, we went to foodcourt for dinner. Wad more can I say? It was a FUN dinner together. We cracked lots of jokes, like we never b4. Food? well, it wasnt that bad. we started a brainstorming session after we are done with our proper meal.

These are the results we got (using physics theory: half life)
10yrs later - Overseas Trip to Finland
5Yrs later - Overseas Trip to TaiWan
2.5Yrs later - Overseas Trip to Bintan, Malaysia
1.75Yrs later - Local Trip to Clubbing
0.875Yrs later - Local Trip to Chalet
0.4375Yrs later - Local Trip to Shopping Malls fer Clothes
0.21875Yrs later - Local MAJOR Examinations: O LVL

Throughtout the session, we thot of the possible events to organise, jokes about why shldnt go this and there. It was so much fun.

what so irritating of the day was i received an annoymous call AGAIN. It's the *countless* times of the yr. All thanks to some itch hands bitch or bastard who wrote my contacts along with SEXUAL content in a public place. I hate them! Those who called or msg me, shld get a life!

Oh ya, Wei Ling told us that his brother knew we called him. He was smiling cause he's unsure if it was us. To avoid any embarassment, he smiled at us. She also told us, the girl beisde him has a crush on him. It was so funny. I cant imagine man. Wei Ling doesnt like her at all, sry girl u outta the game. She failed her personal connection. Haha... after Wei Ling told us abt this girl, Grace, I feel like knowing her better together with Wei Jie.

Maybe one day, we can have bowling with him, yet wei, sandra, weiling and GRACE! haha... *neelej* said my 8310 went crazy bcoz it got a crazy owner like me. Wad the ...

[ Waiting, Waiting, Waiting... Each day for my dream come true. ]

p.s. Next Mon: Mean Girls + Pasta @ Causeway Pt

Tele-tronic 8310

2004-07-15T01:44:00.000+08:00

Arghz, wad happened to my wednesday? nth much was happening... i thot i stoned very well in class. I had 4 periods of AMATH. How fun could that be? Karis was unwell; Fever. It's the 1st time she leaned her head on my shoulder. I felt odd, of coz... only close frenz will do that. She's friendly, no doubt of that.

Sighz, we were reminded of tests again - Physics & Emath. well, that's life, gotta buck up now. I thot I was insane, I actually went to do DNT from 1:45 to 4:15pm. Oh manz, am i wasting time or making full use of my time? Can't be bothered nowadays.

Lately, been heading to LOT 1. I started to wonder what's interesting that attracted us there. Maybe it's the nearest shopping mall we have in cck. It's my 1st time out with Hui Yu, together with Yet WEi and Sandra. WE had some sTUpid jokes along the way. Sandra & Yet Wei were freaking obsessed with nutrition value. They did calculation and effectiveness of the slimming products, facial products, health (oral) products... Girlz... it's all abt dieting - eat well, stay trim n slim.

what irritated me of the day was actually my handphone. It has been with me fer yr - juz rite after it's advertised. THat made it 2yrs++. Yes, that's pretty long. A problem has occurred with it's keypad fucntion. I sweared i didnt drop it and have taken good care of it. *neelej* suggested repairing the keypad but my dad suggested change to 3100.

not to forget abt one fun thng we did todae. Sandra & I saw Weiling's bro, Wei Jie. He's getting more cute and handsome. Hey, that's nothing to laught at me. It's the fact, isn't it? He was smiling at us... Trying to disturb him, wondering if it's him. We decided to shout out his name. No doubts his eyes went searching for us. I love it man.

[ I want no prince charming, I want a knight, to protect me with all his might. ]

p.s. Avril Lavigne Rocks!

Torturous Punishment - Me or Him

2004-07-13T14:01:00.000+08:00

It's another typical day with an extraordinary girlz, who has ultimate girl power in the universe. *crap* I actually focusing and studying MATH almost the entire day esp for 2hrs.

I seat beside Karis (new seating partner). It wasnt that bad but it's a torture for me. I have to be really quiet for i'm sitting at the extreme. I felt isolated. I wasnt that close to her. It's so hard to no joke, no crap and definately no fun.

Other than crushing my brain with all those math qns... i enjoy the time i had with my classmates while we were doing our work in the Learning Centre. It was great to have them ard, esp. it's a DUMD PLACE we were forced to go in. We had a gd luff without interferred by the teacher on shift.

The unforgettable moment shld be sms-ing after lunch break. I was delighted to receive *neelej* msg. tho' it came in at an inappropriate time but it turns out not to be. Mrs Slyvia gathered the teachers for an emergency meeting conducted by the HODs n HQ. That explains why the 1hr of lesson was wasted.

In contrary, we used it for our personal entertainment space. It has been sometime of this day we really enjoyed ourselves without restriction. We walk ard, speak out loud, sing, joke and even gambling. Not exactly gambling, just playing with cards. Ha.

*neelej* memtioned few days ago that his tough trng starting this wk. For the sake of winning the GOLD medal, he decided to work hard n play hard. It's tough on him or anybody in his shoes. I admire his spirit for I'm can't be as strong as him. He's mentally and physically prepared. THat's what i thot. We sms each other quite a few before i really settle down for a conversation with Wei Ling n Si Wei. Bascially TCS. My speciality? are u joking?

I always like the way when *neelej* was telling me how bad i treated him. esp. am luffing at his suffering. His trng shedule showed the lengthened duration. Poor boy. For his suffering is my happiness. He even qns that my heart is made of steel or iron. I really into playing along with him. We were bored honestly. He asked if I could call him after I reached home.

I did but he was having his trng. To go for lesson and later for trng, including his travelling back home. He will be worn out soon. Hope he will succeed what he aimed for. Even better, have a gd rest. altho' we didnt manage to tok over the phone and hear each other voice. He managed to leave a comeback msg for me.

The purpose of calling him: To know how I was doing in sch and How's life?

I know he cares (I feel it) but isnt it weird he asking it almost everydae? We always been sms each other nearly everyday. Maybe he juz can't find any thng to ask. But it seem none of us are bored abt doing it all over again. routine? maybe it has became one. I actually loving it. How i wish to hear his voice...

[ If honey is sweet, u will be more than that. ]

p.s. May I have my old partners back. perferably from where we were at the start of the yr.

happenin not.

2004-07-12T14:57:00.000+08:00

It's a dae with nth MUCH happening in my life. It seem unusual. Maybe it's Sunday. Whereby a new day going to start really soon.

Sean Pual said somethng that really annoys me. Business Admin? Waste time, try sumthng esle. THat was really straight forward. If i have no interest in what i'm pursuing it's ptless to go for sumthng i force to do. juz bcoz the way pple look at it n the economy demand. it's my life, i set the rules. Got it?

*neelej* msged me in msn, but i was tired to start a conversation. My brain was exhuasted from 5 long hrs of MATHs Problem Sums. I'm glad I'm finishing. We didn't msg each other the entire day as well. I was rushing into send one "gd nite" msg but hesitated. Maybe we shld give each other some break.

Well, my day seem kind of dull w/o him "appearing". all those MATH has keep him a distance from me. Does that mean I'm actually focusing in my studies. That's truly amazed me. I have succeded the first step, to resist temptation, to avoid time waster and... to ignore daydreaming. Nevertheless, I will do that after I done what I shld be doing. Prioritize, manz. Ha!

Ahem, actually *neelej* seem to be attractive may be because he older, mature and poise confidence in front of mie. Who wun want her man to be capable n definately faithful to her. I dun mean that he's mine but... he did capture my heart. *blushes*

[ Absence makes the heart fonder. ]

p.s. start each day with a smile and you'll be surprised.

sistaz.fun

2004-07-11T14:42:00.000+08:00

Oh my god, the lazy part of miez decided to wake up late. It's 8.30am and aM still on my bed. Reluctantly, I dragged myself out of it and headed to the toilet. After a thorough washed, I still felt sleepy. A voice inside my head was telling miez this, "Skip DNT, forget abt it, todae is halfday!!"

Well,I did managed to get out of my house... and reached Keat Hong LRT Station by 10.45am. I was 1hr15mins late! I decided to go home. *neelej* msg did put on smiles on my face. Esp this msg, "Indian Lecturer who tried to speak English that ends up to be bollyhood style." That's really funny, I can even imagine it happening.

I was amazed by myself - to be bored! I almost flooded Wei Ling hP with msgs. I am feeling rather sorry for Wei Ling, as both of Alex & I had abandoned her.

We (A.T. and Wei Ling) met up later for at CCK MRT Middle platform. As usual, I was late! I was shocked to see LAC. He was trying to be close to Wei Ling, luckily she didn't give in to him. I guessed she managed to think thru' their relationship - He once had her for granted!

We went to watch "Spiderman 2". It was a great movie, it deserved a 5* rating from miez. The action packed movie was astonished! It was enlivening when Peter Parker (the spiderman) fell from high-rise buildings, saving an asian child from an apartment that its whole building caught fire, trying to stop a fast speed train from falling off the incomplete tracks and many more...

I simply love this movie. It does invovled the matter of heart - Peter Parker loves Mary Jane Watson! He went all out to save her from Dr. Otto Octavius who has became mad. Now, Spiderman was more stronger and determined to save the others esp. when Mary Jane was kidnapped. He also wanted to balance his dual indentities but his life has since became complicated after Uncle Ben's death.

M.J was delighted to know Peter's true identity. It was a twist when M.J. ran away from church (the day she held her wedding) to Peter's apartment. That moment really touches my heart... Well, Spiderman is out for more action, I believe M.J. will be there for him forever. Isnt that a Happy Ending?

What was I trying to do with the movie review? Sighz. Here comes the most exhilarating part: FUNFAIR!!! We tried the Cyclone & Metor... (can't remb)

These machines are the (so far) super dooper cool stress reliever!!! I felt better after all those screaming and shouting. I thought that Wei Ling felt the same way too. I knew she can't let go of LAC because they just broke up. She shouted what I wanted to say as well, I thanks god for giving miez her.

I was grateful to see a FUNFAIR! Even tho' I was laughing most of the time during the thrill. Deep inside I was yearning for love. A love that never be mine if I keep it inside of miez.

In conclusion, love requires courage but I chose to keep it inside miez. It's a choice I have made, blame nobody. I just want to be true to myself now, at this very moment (in front of the damn computer)

I LOVE U, *neelej*~!

[ Hates the idea of loneliness and the feeling to be abandoned. ]

p.s I Love my sistas too -> wad a long list to be listed here. But thanks Alex (my Da Jie) and Wei Ling (Da Jie's De Jie also my Da Da Jie)

trials of love.n.fear.

2004-07-09T14:26:00.000+08:00

It doesnt feel good to sit in front of Principal Office durin morning assembly. I was there as the school need clarification from my parents that I didn't skip school. I felt condemned as only the "bad" students will be "honour" a place there.

Without realizing, it's almost time for oral. Naturally, all of us are nervous. Inside the library was cold. Beside me are Hui Ling and Xiu Ru, they were dead anxious. We tried to keep our cool by reading some books from the library. It did help alittle for me.

After a long wait, it was my turn. The passage is consists of mixed feelings. Next, the examiers asked 2 qns of my interest: Volunteerism & E-mailing. I didn't expect it... Thanks to *neelej* prayer. Oh manz, love him even more!

Looking at the group of us (Yet Wei, Hannah, Kai Wei, Sherline, Karis, Shirley, Hui Ling, Jie Ying, Tai Gor, Maureen & Ms Koh), I'm indeed getting kind of worry for a few of them. Esp. Kai Wei, her suicidal thoughts are getting worst. She started venting her anger by kicking chairs n strangling herself. Sighz... She has changed so much since we graduated from primary.

Well, I saw Wei Ling with Nellie & Yee Leng, I guessed it's abt her BGR. Honestly, I do not want to see my sista having heart ache. Although, it's a painful decision. I hope she will be able to come up with the rite decision that is best for her.

At last, I'm Home... online has become part and parcel of my life. I really enjoy doing it so. aye, *skng* msged me earlier on. I doubt he looked for me all this while. It has been almost 2yr since we last seen each other @ 42th CLT intake POP. If he hasn't quarrelled with me, we will be together happily. I guessed my decision to try disappearance act on him was harsh.

When sch starts to end lessons late. It's getting kinda stressful for me to handle, life is like that. *neelej* is always so sweet and be there for me.

[ His prayers were like angels singing in the sky that touches my heart. ]

p.s. During the 4th round of changes in our seating arrangement, I was seperated from Greenie. W.E.F. Next Mon 12 July.

p.p.s. Chocolates makes miez feel horny!!!

Attempted Outta Sch

2004-07-08T14:38:00.000+08:00

To start thngs out, I didn't skip sch todae and I'm namin "biological cycle" as *wadever*. It wasn't my fault not to know am hvin my *wadeva*. That explains all my insanity ytd - uncontrollable laughters n moodiness.

I had a stomache and reliazed I'm hvin *wadever* and of coz CRAMP - as usual. Damn. I'm left with no choice but to stay at home "working" as phillipino - tons of chores to be done. I went to several places, to deposit my cash, buy facial wash n repair a torch. I found it rather funny when I spoke to my mum.

Miez: Mummy, u gonna be late fer work if u not gonna hurry
Mum: It wun be any worst den u skipping sch
Miez: WAD!
Mum: *Evil GriNz*

The best part of the day was to communicate with *neelej*. He has always been a nice guy. Without hesitation, I told him about *wadever* cramp. I really don't care what he's thnking. However, his replies were rather amusing.

I can't believe he actually asked - I assume u're not in pain. Oh my god! aye, I can't remb how the running ard nake got started. He claimed it's more like I started it. I doubt so. Somehow, I became the expertize in bein *dirty* or nicely phrase: Open minded.

It was a surprised to receive his call, telling me how lame I was and if I am feelin any better. SooOoOOO sweet of him. w/O realizin I became his master of open-ness. He's a smart chap, easily enlightened.

[ How I wish this moment of care n love will last forever. ]

p.s. After 3 rounds of changes in our seating arrangement, I'm still with greenie!!!

p.p.s Tmlz is O's MT Oralz; feelin rather nervous!!!

First Entry

2004-07-07T14:45:00.000+08:00

It's a gd start off with P.E. which helped to relieve part of my stress accumulated this morning when i was doin my math hmwk @ 5am.

After 3 rounds of running, half an hr of frisbee (it's borin; not childish) I got rather depressed since. Maybe bcoz of the type of "breakfast" I had. (M&M peanuts + 7up @ 6am) Pretty cool breakfast I got.

I was unlucky and crazy enuff to luff @ my Biology teacher fer I not completin my theory - detention in return. THat's a kind gesture frM him tho'. I didnt feel quite good todae, moody is the word to describe it.

I must be insane, I actually volunteered to go out with Hannah, Yet Wei & Jin Hui to Bukit Gombak. Jin Hui decided to buy a box of contact lenses after broke her glasses. We walked passed this really small shop which sold Hello Kitty stuffs (Yet's fav cartoon). Immediately, her mind was occupied by the thot' of Hello Kitty. We bought some stickers in the end. Yet took her fav cartoon while I got PowerPuff gurlz that recommended by Jin.

THankfully, I managed to get my bUm outta my hse @ 8pm (initial timin: 5pm) to go HuiRu's hse to download my digital photoz. I was lonely thru'out the journey to & forth.

Surprisingly, a simple msg from *neelej* brightened up my mood @ that very moment. He was happy todae fer getting somethng he deserved. That's the reason why I have the urge to type this 1st entry.

[ If only I can be with him, to feel like him, then, I will know him betta. ]

p.s. wonderin who's my new seating partner... todae shall be the last time I sat beisde Wei Ling. I have started mizzin her... = ]